Saturday, September 26, 2009
Envy and Selfish ambition
Envy and Selfish ambition play a part in the reason why chicks like me don't get married. I mean really who wants to be with someone with those as qualities. Before you think I'm calling myself a bad person, let me explain.
To envy someone is to want what someone else has. The more they get the angrier you become with them. It can be so deep that you began to hate the person that has what you want. I tend to pick up this tendency when dating, which is odd to me. I listen to what men say they've done in past relationships and I want that and more. For example if he brought her a car I want a more expensive model. If he brought her a house I want a bigger one. If they vacationed in Mexico I want to go to Brazil. You know these are extremities, but you get the point.
Can you imagine what type of pressure a man must feel to know his women is comparing their current relationship to his past? Can you imagine the pressure I put on myself trying to do or not do what she did so that I can get WHAT I WANT? I know this all sounds bad but I didn't realize I did this until recently. I've given my grey area man the blues I tell ya.
This one is a little tricky. Let me break down selfish first. It means to go off your own desires to get what you want. Or wanting what you want when and how you want it; even if it hurts other people. Now ambition means to have a desire for rank, fame, or power. That doesn't sound that bad until you put the two together. It means to go off your on desires to get rank, fame, and power no matter if it hurts other people.
I've realized that I want what I want from this person no matter what. What's even worse is when I don't get it I get angry. I'll even flee the relationship if he doesn't move fast enough. That's a problem. Especially when you add that with envy it's horrible. Envy and Selfish ambition leads you to disorder. This disorder can ultimately lead to distraction. Realizing this I really had to pull back and pump my breaks on some things.
James 4:2-6 days "the spirit of God that lives in you is jealous. If you have envy and dysfunction from the world the envy of God will cry out and try to force that out of you. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. You see God is looking for humble people that are crying for help. At this point you should submit yourself to God so that he can purify your heart. This is where I am right now. My situation that forced me to let go of everything has caused me to humble myself and cry out to God.
See the devil lies to you. He tempts you on the front side with your desires. When you go your way (not God's) using Envy and Selfish ambition to get it; the devil taunts you on the end. He also lies to you the whole way by saying it's yours and you deserve this. In the end your heart ends up broken because when you step out of the line of God you never get what you TRULY deserve.
The sad part is there is no protection or solution to a broken heart. There is no way to take away the pain of the emotional stress from that situation that didn't work out. You see nobody wins when you use Envy and Selfish ambition as a direction over your life. I urge you today to really start waiting on God; leaning on his wisdom and understanding. Start developing a relationship with him. You'll then realize that there is NOTHING greater.