Thursday, September 24, 2009
Crucial Questions you MUST ask before you get Married
Crucial Questions you MUST ask before you get Married. Think about that for a second. Before you continue on I want you to ask yourself are you really ready to read this. You might be shocked by what I'm about to write so brace yourself.
Last week a friend called me up and asked if I wanted to attend a play with her. What type of play I asked. She paused and sweetly says one about relationships. I grunted a little thinking about all the plays I've seen in the past about relationships that had the word man in the title. A good MAN is hard to find, I need a MAN, The fabric of a MAN, or how about The maintenance MAN. Realizing I hadn't seen my friend in a while I agreed and we planned to meet up the next day for the play.
OK let me get to the good stuff. So we pull up to the place where the play is being held and we're ushered to out seats. I look across the large room of round tables and chairs and notice that everyone has a pen, a pad, and some even had Bibles. I looked at my friend with the side eye as to say chick where are we. Not that I'd mind being in a lecture, however I wasn't prepared. Lucky for me I keep a journal on hand at all times for taking notes. This lecture was AMAZING and I am truly glad I went. Not that I am contemplating marriage right now because I have so many things to work on within myself but...these are great questions to ask even while dating.
As a lot of you may know the Devil is at work in marriages today. So many people have rushed into marriage for so many reasons, but the right one. The right one would be to serve God together. That's what marriage is created for. So many of us single people are so desperate to be married that we jump into missing it's purpose. Because we're not asking the questions a lot of marriages are ending in divorce, or there is infidelity, and even worst people are living unhappy and unfulfilled lives. Hopefully this list can save some of us for falling into the same trending pattern.
Questions you should ask yourself about your mate.
1. How do I avoid emotional traps?
Answer: By setting standards for yourself. When you get involved with someone who fall short to your standards you find yourself compromising the entire relationship. Eventually that gets old and you'll find that you stayed in a relationship that you didn't want to be in because you're emotionally attached. When you invest so much time and you compromised you will become emotionally attached. So let's start asking these questions upfront and sticking to our standards.
2. How has this person added to or taken away from my life?
If the answer is more negatives then positive RUN. If you're are in between slow down and feel it out. If this person seems perfect proceed with caution. Guard your heart at all stages. Until the Holy Spirit tells you he/she is the one and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt be careful and protect yourself. Your heart is the very core of you. A broken heart could cause you to shut down completely so you really want to be careful with this.
3. LADIES: Can this man lead my spiritually and am I willing to follow him?
FELLAS: Can I lead this women spiritually?
Spiritual leadership is very important. You MUST be equally yoked there is no way around that.
4. LADIES: Is he truly in a position to take care of a family?
FELLAS: Will I be able to provide for her and our children, if any?
Taking care of a family can be pretty steep economically. You want to make sure that this is covered on the front end. If for any reason you feel that this will be an issue hold off on getting married. Financial problems can cause a ton of emotional stress.
Questions to ask your partner before getting married. (These are in no particular order)
1. What is your mental history? Does any type of illness run in your family?
You want to address this upfront. You do not want to have anything come up later that you wasn't aware about. This could be harmful to you and your spouse.
2. May I see your credit report?
Once you say I do you inherit his/her debt.
3. May I see your bank statement?
This will show you how he/she spends money. Their spending habits may not be the greatest and this should give you some idea of that.
4. Make sure you do a criminal background check.
Yo do not want anything in their past coming back to hunt you.
5. Do you or have you had any addictions?
It can be alcohol, some sort of drugs or even a sexual addiction. Either way find that out.
6. What are your expectations of me as a husband/wife?
You must make sure what they expect aligns with what you expect. It saves a lot of drama on the back end to know upfront.
7. What is the worse thing you've done while angry?
You don't want to be surprised when he or she start punching walls of busting windows. RUN!
8. Have you ever been violent in a relationship?
Self explanatory, physical abuse of any kind is not a good look.
9. How much information would you like us to share with our friends and or family?
You have to be careful with this. If you share the wrong thing your people can still be angry with him/her while you two have kissed and made up.
10. How many kids would you like to have?
They may want 5 and you want none.
11. How do you review relationships with the opposite sex?
This can be sensitive territory. Ladies he may not be comfortable with you having too many male friends. Check this out!
12. What is your purpose in life?
If he/she has none or it sounds shaky that's a relationship you do not want to be in.
13. How would you like to discipline our children?
They may be a spanker while you're not. Discuss this.
14. What is your relationship with your parents?
This explains a whole lot. Finding this out can tell you a lot about him/her.
15. Do you owe back taxes?
Again you will inherit their debt.
16. How do you feel about debt?
They may be good with paying bills late and you may not be. So you need to determine what you are getting into. This also will help you determine who will be responsible for paying the bills. If He/She is better, then you may want to let them handle that.
17. Who is going to manage the money?
If you saw the bank statement and see that they are careless with spending money then this person may be you.
18. ARE YOU MARRIED?
I have been guilty of not asking this question and found myself in a relationship with someone else's husband. How far was that relationship really going to go. Even if they are separated you don't want to entertain that until that has been resolved. You'll save yourself a lot time and heart ache.
19. How are we going to maintenance the marriage?
Just because you get married doesn't mean you fix things. From time to time (like a luxury car) you have to maintenance your marriage. Be it a monthly get away or weekly date. You should figure out what works best for you both. Also you're going to want to have some check points in the marriage. This is where you as key questions like are you still happy or have you had any affairs.
20. Will we have a couple that mentors us when we're married?
Having a couple, that can stay neutral, to help you through troubled times is wise. My sure this couple is grounded in the word and strong in their faith. Otherwise you might not know what type of council you'll get.
Sexual Questions to ask before getting Married
21. What is your sexual expectations?
He/She may be a freak and your not...How is that going to work?
22. How do you feel about oral sex?
VERY Important! Some people do it some don't. Some love it some don't. You need to determine which side the two of you are on.
23. Have you ever been involved in pornography?
Need I say anything about that question...lol
24. What type of childhood sexual experiences have you had?
There are a lot of secrets people are suppressing. You are going to want to know these things.
25. Have you or do you have and STDs?
HIV/AIDS along with Herpes can not be cured. You need to know these things so that you can protect yourself.
There you have it...THE QUESTIONS. Tell me what you think?