Friday, September 25, 2009

Chicks like me don't get Married

I know there is a trending topic here, but hear me out first. I have no idea why the word marriage seems to be surrounding itself around me but it has. It seems as if every other day I'm drawn into a conversation about marriage. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Either way what I've learned I am now sharing with you.

Exactly two weeks ago I was in the car with my Mom and sister. We are all conversationalist so we enjoy sharing our opinions laughing and joking about life. We talked about everything from fashion, to TV shows to marriage. The marriage conversation started off with us talking about why men cheat. I have no idea why that topic resurfaces with us but it did. Anyways we started talking about men and the type of women they date and the type of women they marry. By my Moms words I'm on the dating list only :( Now before your jaw drops she didn't say that to me directly. She said that about chicks like me.

According to my Mother like women men are looking for security. They are looking for that woman that will hold them down no matter what. Someone that they know will be home when they get there. "Notice how you see a good looking guy and he ends up marrying the women that you think is a plain Jane, Mom asked. My sister and I both look at her and say, "yeah that true". "They're with them because they feel secure", she says. She went on to give examples of men she knew who married women that we deemed not so fabulous.

Her theory is that men do not want to compete with their women. They want to be the leader they want to shine. Can you imagine how a man's confidence would be shot if each and every time his beautiful wife left the house somebody was hitting on her. I know, what you're thinking all men are not like that and I agree. However a lot of men are. Now this is just on the surface the superficial part. Let's dig a little deeper.

So traditionally a man is to be the bread winner in the house hold. He should be able to provide for his wife and family. Knowing that ladies men are sizing us up when they first meet us. You want to know why??? They are trying to see what type of life style you are living because they want to be able to provide that for you. Man if all you wear is Prada and Gucci please believe in his head he is trying to figure out how he his going to keep you in that. Think I'm playing? Ask any man. I'm sure he'll tell you.

Men are also looking for a nurturer. You know, women that well lick their wounds at the end of the day. Someone they can talk to about anything knowing she won’t be judgmental. She makes him feel good about himself even when he's at his lowest point. You get where I'm going with this.

This last detail is the most important. Men need to feel needed. They need to feel like the women by their side needs him in some sort of way. Like in the fairytales they want to be that knight in shining armor that saves the princess. Don't get me wrong they like a women that shows some independence, however they still need to feel needed.

So why you ask do I feel like chicks like me don't get married? Well it's simple I appear not to be any of those things I mentioned. I'm an attractive female with a great personality. That's the gift in the curse. The gift I am very approachable. The curse guys pick up on that. A few of the men I've dated in the past felt threatened by this. I’m not much of a nurturer. I don't deal with emotions well. I don't like to feel mushy so I miss the mark with that sometimes.

Now we all know I love clothes and being the center of attention. I don't really know why, it's just who I am. The publicist in me comes out a lot. I know how to work the room and sometimes my networking isn't viewed as such. Some men find this intimidating. As far as men being bread winners and saving the day I agree with that. For some strange reason men don't pick up on that. Probably because I've always kept things in and not let too many people get too close. When I had a problem I prayed and dealt with it on my own.

I am very high strung with very high expectations. I have so much life left in me and so many thing I want to accomplish that the pressures I put on myself I may put on the men I've dated. It's not because I expect them to be someone their not, but I expect US to be the best WE can. Lastly I'm selfish. I focus so much on where I and where I want to be that sometimes I lose sight of everything else. I blame society! We women are doing so many things ourselves that we lost the inner essence of us.
If any of these traits sound like you I would like to suggest a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. This is a very very good book. I read it years ago and it really helped me to release the inner beauty in me and not be afraid to feel vulnerable. Chicks like me don't get married because we don't allow ourselves to. These are just my thoughts.


  1. I guess that's why chicks like us are still single...

    I had a guy that plays ball overseas tell me, "I couldn't marry a 10, I had to be the cute one in the relationship"...

    He had to feel that he could trust her to hold him down while he was away, and not look for a life outside of him...

    So blah personality, and no presence equates to the marrying kind?

    That's only when you're dealing with trifling insecure men.

  2. Man Keli! Sounds like we've been dating the same guy. I'm a magnent to that type. I had a guy tell me I was like a classic sports car. The one that you drive every now and again to make your friends jealous. Yes that car is nice to look at but it's not your main vehicle. You've got to have a good reliable EVERYDAY vehicle. One of these days we'll meet our match without having to dumb ourselves down