Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm so Special...

So my theme for this last quarter of 2010 is "I'm so special" and I'm loving it. Since I've completed this mean girl cleanse I have been able to see things a lot clearer. Freeing myself from all of that negativity has made me a lot happier. Not that I wasn't happy before but, it's a difference now. For example I can see something that is extremely ridiculous and I'll just leave it alone. I used to say we as people have to pick and chose or own battles. Will now I pick and chose not to entertain foolishness. I'm not saying that I wont make a joke every now and again when I hear or see some juicy celebrity gossip I haven't gone that far just yet...LOL

The past month my emotional senses has continued to be activated as I've embarked upon quite a few changes in my life. Since I’ve started this blog I’ve noticed an increase in communication with women who had been in relationships similar to mine with Melo (see blog Deceptacon Blues for reference). “Oh how I know the feeling,” I recall saying each and every time I hear them say how they believed in and or trusted their married boyfriends. This is always the part where I go into advice mode advising my friend the steps she should take in moving forward from something that seems impossible. So I decided to blog about it. That’s right give my advice on what I did to move forward from that unhealthy relationship. Now brace yourself because I’m not even going to sugar coat it today. *insert smile here, LOL*

First thing first is to determine in fact that the relationship is worth the time and energy you have to put into it to maintain it. If not you need to, start cutting your loses now. There is nothing worse than you letting time go by in a non-productive relationship causing you to be stagnated. Think about it…You spend your entire relationship trying to get that person on the same level you’re on. That doesn’t sound like too much fun to me. Personally I prefer someone in my life that would enhance the person I already am. Someone who helps to make my life easier and wants me to become the best person I can be. Seriously how am I to do that if I’m too busy focused on him getting like me? I can’t even imagine.

Truthfully if he puts god first and his goals and visions are in line with or similar to mine then I’m all for it otherwise I already know it’s a challenge. So what I’m saying here is that we as women need to set a standard and stay focused on it. One of the biggest reasons we fell so hard for the married man in the first place was because we lowered our standard. After getting the “me and my wife are separated story” we should have left those men where they stood; telling them to call us when they have a divorce decree in hand. Think about it, if a man truly loves you, he should want to protect you and provide you with the best. Do you really think you’re getting his best when legally and spiritually he has NO BUSINESS being with you?

Once you’ve gotten a hold on reality the next step is to begin focusing on you. Every woman I’ve spoken to in an unhappy relationship has asked the same question which always amazes me. They ask“Hmmm I wonder what he’s thinking” as if he’s thoughts even matter. My response is always “who cares what he thinks, it’s not about him,” and I mean it every time too. Ladies at this point it’s no longer about him. Making it about him got you here in the first place. At this point he doesn’t deserve a second of your time to being wasted on wondering about him. He’s the one who violated you and your trust in the first place. He knew you were into him and instead of doing the right thing he chose to be selfish and use you. That’s NO GOOD. Seriously if he thought so highly of you you would not be the other woman, side chick, or just some random chick his screwing. Oh yes, I said it just like that because that’s what it is! Sounds to me like it’s time for you to make a few adjustments.

Ok ok so I went off in a rant but it’s within good reason. I can relate and it angers me to hear about a woman encountering what I did. Anyways now it’s time to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m so special” and believe it. If you don’t believe it the first time, keep saying it over and over until you do. I know this sounds redundant but you’re fearful and wonderfully made in God’s design to be great. You deserve to be so much more then to be mistreated or in any unhealthy relationship. If this is not convincing enough write a list of all of your wonderful qualities. You know the great things that make you who you are.

Once you’ve written this list start focusing on your vision. If you haven’t figured that out yet I’d suggest reading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. After doing all of that re-read those last couple of paragraphs. I bet then you’ll realize you are worth so much more then that relationship. Now I can go on and on about how to move on and getting what you deserve, but only one thing is for certain. You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Hurt from leaving an unhealthy relationship is far less than staying in one. Remember that! So what are you waiting for??? Get to blocking numbers, emails, and all of your social networking accounts. It's time for you to move on and be free from that bondage. Here's a link to a youtube video of a song called "Free" by Destiny's Child. It's very inspirational for moment like these. Enjoy!

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Designer Baggage

The smoke has finally cleared of from all the excitement I recieved from back to back weddings and engagements. Now that I've had the time to slow down and think I've realized I'm getting older and I might want to think about seriously settling down and causing some emotional uproar myself. I mean after all my child does deserve to be raised in a wonderful two parent home right? Well I don't see that happening anytime soon becuase I'm carrying designer baggage. That's right not just any baggage but say it with me designer baggage.

Now that you've noticed the emphasis on designer like me explain what I mean but that. We all have baggage. Some of us carry old suit cases and duffel bags from relationship to relationship filling them up with secrets, hurts, and dirty laundry until one day they meet some one they don't mind sharing that with. Then and only then do they empty their bags and store them away until they may have to use them again. Come on, don't front! You know you've had a couple of bags you've carried around before (giving you the side eye).

As for me mine is a little different; I call it designer baggage because it looks good. I'm the girl that people see and think "hey she really has it going on" but deep down inside I'm hurting. I walk around with me head high, smiling, and moving as if everything is ok while masking my inner hurts. Do I carry my designer bags from relationship to relationship? Yes I sure do but in a different way. Since the baggage looks so pretty people aren't expecting the ugly, generic, and extremely used clothing to come out of those bags. Knowing that I keep everything inside never taking anything out and meanwhile adding to the collection.

I'm sure this sounds familiar to somebody. You've collected so much baggage over the years that you've had to go rent a storage unit it just to house it. Is that you??? If so I challenge you to look in the mirror right now and say "I am cleaning out my storage" and DO IT. I would start by doing some sort of spiritual cleanse and or detox. Getting rid of your past hurts, or maybe even the current hurts that are haunting you, would allow your heart to be open to so much more. Ask me how do I know so that I can tell you I am doing it right now.

You remember the mean girl cleanse I wrote about a few months back? That was me cleaning out my storage unit and now that it's clean I'm a lot happier with myself and you could be too. God has so much to offer you if you could just let go and let him work. I can go on about all the things that I have been blessed with since I let go of a few things but I'm not because it's not about me. Today it's about you cleansing yourself so that you can be open to receive whatever blessing God has ahead of you. Think about it!

If you've read this blog and feel inspired to do a detox or spiritual cleanse please comment below or email me and I'd be happy to send you some literature.

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Two Weddings and a Funeral

The month of September is always an emotional one for me. For one it holds the anniversary of September 11th a day I will never forget and it's also the month of my Birthday. Well this September has been by far the most emotional.  Not only did I attend not one but two September 11th memorial services, I also attended two weddings and a funeral. 

Talk about a string of emotions this month things have been up and down like a a rocky roller coaster.  It all started the first week of September, I received a phone call that a friend from college was killed in a motorcycle accident.  It hurt me so bad because this person was a huge part of my life back in Grambling. I have so many memories of him that it is hard to believe he's gone and I wont get the chance to see him laugh again.  Two days later my best friend calls me and tells me she is engaged. Of course I was happy and extremely excited for her. She has been seeing this man for a while and was very honest about her desire to be married to him.  A week after finding out about my best friend's engagement I traveled to New Jersey for the funeral.

On September 11 after having an early dinner with the family who had travel to DC for the 9/11 Memorial Services at the Pentagon, I received a text that another friend from Grambling had also died.  He too was involved in a accident that not only took his life but the of his wife and kids a few months back.  He lived an entire 15 weeks after they perished. 

Later on in the evening of the 11th one of my cousins was married.  It was so emotional for the entire family because both of her parents have passed away.  I was happy that the family made it in support of her union.  I can't even imagine how I would feel walking down the isle and neither one of my parents are their to share such a joyous occasion with me.  As soon as she walked down the aisle all I saw was her tears and I began to cry too.  It wasn't because I'm super emotional and I cry at the drop of a dime, but it was because I understood her thoughts. I knew what she was thinking. Even though it was a joyous occasion it was still sad because we all knew who was missing.

The weekend following the 11th one of my first cousins was married to her high school sweet heart.  The wedding was so sweet and very pure.  Like my other cousin I cried when I saw her come down the aisle. Of course my reason for crying this time was different.  I remember when she was 15 years old and we was sitting in my Grandmothers living room having "the talk" with her.  She and her now husband had started to become inseparable and my Grandmother wanted me to talk to her about it.  All I remember is her saying how much she loved him and that she wanted to marry him.  On the inside I laughed wondering what she knew about love at 15.  I remember after what felt like hours later her agreeing to wait until she finished high school before she did so.  That is exactly what she did

That brings us to this past weekend when I received a BBM(BlackBerry Messenger) that another one of my very good friends is engaged. This message came on the same day as my other friend from Grambling's funeral, that I couldn't make but I was very much so there in spirit.  Yet again setting my emotions on another rocky dip and spin.  This roller coaster ride seems like it just wont stop!

At the end of the day I can not pin point why those things happened when they did and how they did but I can say this.  I've grown more the past few weeks then I ever had. I am appreciative for those relationships that I've had and even more appreciative for the ones to come.  I just hope that you all do too.  Meanwhile I hope you also are living your life to the fullest. It is so precious and we never know when God will call us home.

Until next time Peace and Prosperity!!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mean Girl Cronicles Vol. 1

Well hello there!!! I know it has been weeks and I should feel shamed for taking so long to blog. So much has been going on I can't wait to catch you guys up. First of let me start by explaining the title of the blog. My friend @ChantheQueenB and I thought it would be a great idea if we did a 40 day mean girl cleanse. The purpose of this cleanse is for us to remove all the mean and negative thoughts out of or minds and make room for the abundant blessings that God has in store for us. It is also a way to channel that negative energy away from us.

Today I am on week 2 day 1 and I feel really great. I have attracted so many positive things in this week alone I don't know what to do with myself. Although there have been a few negative encounters like my spilling a cherry Dr. Pepper into my favorite laptop I'm still ok. It was the computer that Melo gave me last summer so maybe I was suppose to get rid of it. The darn thing crashed on me a few months after I got it anyways. Moving forward that's one little glitch that won't keep me from sticking to the task set upon me.

What I'd like to share with you today is the steps I have taken towards getting rid of my inner mean girl.

1. When it comes to others I started to think about ways I could help and serve others instead of ways I could I could benefit from helping others. I self centered in a lot of ways and I'm started to see how that is a bad thing and I've got to change. For years my Mother kept saying I was selfish but I thought she was crazy.

2. I stopped talking about people. Nothing shows you are more insecure then talking about people. It dawned on me how bad I was once when my sister brought it to my attention. I started thinking man she's right...I do! After thinking about I realized how ugly and insecure that made me look. I am very happy and secure in who I am, but discussing others short comings was funny to me. I used their disadvantage for my own pleasure. That was so uncool...I was a mean girl.

When it came to talking about people not one single person was safe. I talked about my own Mama if she did, said, or wore something I could make a joke out of. I know that's bad. I decided to go old school with it. You know the saying that if you can't think of anything nice to say then just don't say it at all. I've been pleasantly surprised at how different my conversations have been with people now that I've done this.

3. Lastly I've started to think and say more things that are positive. We all have heard the saying that there is power in the tongue. Knowing that I've started to speak into existence my wants, needs, and desires. I remember a while back I was on the phone with my best friend Shondria and I told her that I was going to get fired from my job. Do you know the very next day I got fired from that job??? You see I believe at that very moment I spoke that into existence. So instead of allowing myself to continue to think and speak anymore negativity in my life.

So now instead of I can't I say I'll try. Instead of I hope I say I pray. Instead of never I say not right now. I'm sure by now you get the picture. I've made it a point to start paying more attention to those around me. I greet people who I normally wouldn't and I've even started offer my help to others even when they don't seem to need it.

I've also started being more observant. In the past I've never really asked people probing question about themselves. I've always stayed in my own person "Nika box" and didn't pay much attention to anyone else. Not that I didn't care about them but I always felt that I was already overwhelmed with what I had going on. See that one little lonely letter I keep using. Yes "I" have a problem.

Over the next couple of weeks I plan to continue to strive and remove that inner mean girl from my spirit all together. I believe with out her I will become an even better me. For those of you who are interested in taking the journey with me, let me know. I'd be happy to share my experiences and other ideas of staying positive with you. Are you constantly losing a battle with your inner mean girl??? If so please feel free to share your thoughts!

Until Next Time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Do Women really have Problems???

Last night on HowWasYourWeekend we had special guest Kel Spencer discussing the problem with women. At first I was afraid of what the men may say about us. I thought that they would sway some outlandishing things cuasing me to have to break on a few of them. I was all ready to hurt some poor man's feeling if he said anything I felt was unreal or extreme. To my surprise the things I heard was un true. If you haven't listen ladies click here now----->Listen<-----and tell me what you think. *DISCLAIMER* Warning Ricky gets a tad bit out of control but he means well. *END DISCLAIMER*

I made some notes jotting down a few of the things the men talked about and I wanted to touch on two things in particular. these two are what stuck out the most. The first one is "Women have too many high expectations when it comes to men" which all of the men on the line agreed on. In my mind that's not a bad thing but can it be that we really over shoot when it comes to our expectations of men and relationships. All my life my examples of men came from those who are around me. I can't say that I've ever modeled the man of my dreams after somebody that I don't know or had no chance in hell of meeting. So I'm wondering who are these women with such high expectations and are they themselves in the position to receive a man with these so called high expectations? Ladies help me out!

The second point they agreed on is that we women do not listen. This I also found odd because us women are so relational. We brag on the things our men do and so say that confuses me some. I'll agree in today's world a lot of us are head strong and will take the lead, I'll give you that. However I will shut my mouth and submit to the right man end of discussion. he can tell me to get to the moon and back if the level of respect is there and I deem him the head of my household. It's only right that I let him lead.

So I guess my question is what are we listening for??? I ask that because most men I know are afraid to shoot it to us strait anyways. Come on let's be real how many men do you know in relationships with women unhappy but wont leave because they are afraid of her reaction? I bet she'd like to know that fellas. I'm sure she'd be open to listen to you tell her why you're not happy and even more eager to help fix it.

Somewhere the lines communication went down and we need to get them back up. I hope you all plan on listening Wednesday night because I am positive us ladies are going to say some of these same things about men. Please be sure to tune in Wednesday at 9PM EST or listen to the podcast anytime at We'll be dicussing "The Problem With men Is' with the lovely ladies of the blog site Boissuq. If you haven't already be sure to go online to to create your online profile on us.

Until Next Time I Bid you Peace and Prosperity!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Twisted Elegance The Remix

Got me daydreaming thinking about rings and switching up my whole life style. ~Algebra Blessett~

That line is taken from the song "Do it for Me" by Algebra Blessett. Man I love that song! Each and every time I hear it I get all warm and fuzzy inside, because I understand how she must felt when she wrote it. My first time hearing this song I fell in love with love and it's possibilities all over again. Ok let's keep it moving.

A little while back I wrote a blog "Twisted Elegance" that spoke about people lying when the truth would do just fine. When I wrote that blog I did mention the there was a reverse to Twisted Elegance which is when things are better then they appear. I not to long ago had the chance to experience that and I wanted to share it with you. So set back, relax, I think you're going to enjoy this.

So a few months back I got the chance to hang out with someone that I've been in contact with for years but I hadn't gotten the chance to see often. The funny thing about this guy is a few years back he was my myspace crush. When we would talk I would always brush him off thinking man he's just a player or super friendly with the ladies. I could never take him seriously. Anyways so we're hanging out and it's crazy because besides just being a social networking crush I never thought he and I would even cross paths in that way. Here we are sitting on the sofa in the basement of my house watching "The Hills" and swapping life stories. You have to understand after years of social networking convos, emails, text messages, and BBMs this person is now sitting in my face...WHOA!

Temperatures quickly arose and it wasn't hard to tell that we indeed had an attraction towards each other. I was even a little fidgety and giddy like a little school girl. I tell ya, boyfriend had me going! It was crazy because what I thought would be just us chopping it up for a minute, turned into hours on great convo. It was very refreshing for me because it had been a while since I felt a man in that way. You can't blame thou. After all of the drama I've experienced with Melo I clearly shut down in order to heal at this point.

After that night we began to talk more and started forming this relationship that is indescribable. He is my friend whom I love and enjoy talking to. No matter if it's via phone, skype, or BBM I LOVE IT! He knows how to make me smile. This is so awkward because I totally DID NOT see this coming at all. Mind you it's been years of conversations with this man and we've had a few sparks; never did I think he'd be someone that I would consider pursuing more then just a crush with.

For one this person has blown my mind not because we vibed, but because of who he is. I don't want to give away who I'm speaking of just yet so I'll keep it bland. This man is strong, hard working, dedicated, caring, articulate, creative, loyal, giving, intelligent, God fearing and just simply beautiful. I truly think he is PHENOMINAL inside and out and I am going to take my time and enjoy getting to know him. I admire all of the things that he is and can't wait to see all of the things he will become. Typically he's not the type of guy I'd usually come in contact with, however he's the type of guy I dream about. Moral of the story is you just never know.

Until next time Peace and Prosperity!

I've added Algebra's video just for you! Go ahead and click play.

More Algebra Blessett music on iLike

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So you wanna be a baller?

Tonight on How Waz Your Weekend we spoke with the original baller Earl Lloyd who was the very first African American NBA player along with Bobbye Hill an overseas baller who does a lot for youth in the city of Dallas, TX. If you missed the show you missed a real treat. Lucky for you, you can listen to the podcast now by clicking here----> <---- I really enjoyed tonight's guest because it was refreshing to hear their insights. For example Mr. Lloyd talked about the reason ballers have been linked to dating white women. You see back in the day when he was in the league seeing a black face at a game was unheard of. In fact a direct quote was that "the only time we saw an African American women at a game is if we brought one." He went on to say that it was only himself and another black player in the entire league so that really wasn't often at all. Mr. Lloyd also said that men in his position married white women because to them it looked as if they married up. You guys see where I am going right? This whole black men dating white women digs way deeper then I thought. Here I am thinking it's something society had drummed up when actually it was the lifestyle of successful black men. My question is how in the world do we change something that has been going on for 60 years? What can we as women do to knock down a curse that was placed upon us generations ago? Do we start dating other races as well? How do we break this curse??? Another great topic Mr. Lloyd touched on is money. He said, "I played each game as if it was my last one." Now isn't that some serious dedication? That sentence alone proves that he was grateful for what he had. It's sad to say that a lot of us today are not. How many of us work at our jobs, with our spouses, with our children, and our serve in our church, or in our lives??? We can learn a lot from Mr. Lloyd so I encourage you all to check out his book "Moonfixer" I'll be reading it right along with you.

If you hadn't heard the show I really don't want to give it all away however you really should hear what Mr. Lloyd had to see about groupies. I would tell you but it's better to listen for yourself. Be sure to join us again next week on How Waz Your Weekend with our special guest Kel Spencer, the Warrior Poet. We'll be talking about "The Problem with Women is." Now ladies please refrain for calling in this show is strictly for the fellas. You'll get you chance the following week August 18th when the topic well be "The Problem with Men is." I sure can't wait to delve into that.

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!


Monday, August 2, 2010

I thought it was but it wasn't LOVE

So I stumbled upon a blog that was written by a women who is currently married with two children to a man that cheats on her. The dead giveaway for me was for one her blog was about morals and cheating. Secondly she repeatedly attacked "the other woman." She went on about how these woman have low self esteem and that they should strive to be more the just #2 or 3 etc. Immediate I grew fumes because it was obvious this woman was in denial. Not once did I read where she held her HUSBAND the man who cheated on her accountable.

Being that I was "the other woman" at one point in time I took this to heart. Why??? Well first off low self esteem has never been an issue for me. I've always been proud of who God made me and I am very confident in who I am. I also desire to have a husband of my own and had no intentions on being in a relationship with someone else's husband. Heck no!!! I don't want that for me and I know God surely has something way better for me than that. I was lied to and I had become the other women unwillingly.

So for those of you who has wondered what that's like let me it explain it to you...IT'S CRAZY! Can you imagine meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife? Well that's what it feels like. It's a horrible feeling that I would not wish on my worse enemy. Now let me rewind this just a little bit. I wanna take you all back to before I knew he was married. When it was all good.

If you read my previous blog "Deceptacon Blues" then you know pretty much how we met. I was hanging out at the Velvet Room in Atlanta, yes I am telling a little more, when this guy that I found very attractive approached me. Just like I said it was like a fairytale over night. I can't lie it started off a little slow the first week or two after we met but once it was on, it was on.

You know the things you do when you're in love; the talking on the phone until the sun came up. Spending countless hours of the day thinking about them. The excitement you feel when you're around them, we had all of that. I grew to love him in such a short period of time because he was so attentive. He listened to my every word and remember things that I'd told him even when I didn't. He was very good to me and my child. We wanted for nothing.

When he and I was together all I saw was fireworks. I had never been happier in a relationship. We did everything together and I mean everything. He was my best friend and I knew I was his. There wasn't a thing going in in his life I didn't know about, so I thought. I had even been around this man's children a few times. We was in love, so I thought.

The hardest thing in the world for me was letting go of what I thought I'd have forever. I was sold a dream, a fairytale, and I wanted it. So for this women to say that I was comfortable at being #2 is absorbed. I didn't know I was #2 he continuously told me I was #1 and I believe that. Oh and it wasn't just because of his words it was because of his actions. The insane part was finding out that this wasn't something new. He had done this before. This man is a beautiful liar, with an even more beautiful mind.

At the end of the day I was able to walk away without any drama. I didn't say I do. I didn't have any kids with him. We hadn't purchased a home together or anything. I was free. I wish I could say the same for his wife. So while this married women was condemning me, because again I took it personal, she might wanna check up on her level of self esteem. I say that because staying in a relationship with somebody knowing that they cheated on you is a serious problem to me. It's a problem that she alone can not fix. It's one that only God can handle.

I just hope that she and any other women who is in this position wake up and accept some responsibility for what is happening to them. They are married to cheaters and the other woman is the least of their problem. The writer also suggested communication as being the main source of healing and I'm sorry she is mistaken. Only God and serious dedication from both parties can fix that mess. That or her going straight ham on that Just jokes! Seriously what do you guys think about this? Can a marriage be repaired after years of infidelity???

Until next time, Peace and Prosperity...

Nika The PR Diva

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

DIVORCE: I Said I Do, But I Didn't Mean It

Tonight's topic for How Waz Your Weekend, which airs each and every Wednesday at 9PM eastern, was really amazing. Be sure to join us next week on How Waz Your Weekend we'll be speaking with the very FIRST Black NBA player Earl Lyod. Log on or call in at (646) 727-3279 to listen and learn.

Now back to our scheduled program. DIVORCE: I Said I Do, But I Didn't Mean It. We had a special guest Dr. Stan "Breakthrough" Harris who discussed how to survive in your marriage. For more information on "Dr. Breakthrough" check out his website According to his bio Dr. Breakthrough is perhaps the most entertaining, enlightening, and electrifying speaker on the circuit today. He has Co-authored 4 best selling books with people like Donald Trump, Les Brown, Suze Orman, T. Harv Eker, Zig Ziglar, Dan Kennedy etc. His 5th book entitled, “Your Break Through Is Guaranteed" is also available on his website. If you mention you heard about him or his book on How Waz Your Weekend you can purchase the book and receive a CD and DVD for FREE.

Ok moving on...If you listened to the show you know the Dr. Breakthrough encouraged listeners to stick in their marriages by "living on the Brightside" so to speak. He said to focus on what you want and not what you don't. With that being said I wanted to help those out who want healthy and lasting marriages, I reposted content from a blog a wrote a while back. A blog entitled, "Crucial Questions you MUST ask before you get Married." If yiu haven't read it already please do. It really may help you to prevent the big D wird which in my case will NEVER be an option.


Crucial Questions you MUST ask before you get Married. Think about that for a second. Before you continue on I want you to ask yourself are you really ready to read this. You might be shocked by what I'm about to write so brace yourself.

As a lot of you may know the Devil is at work in marriages today. So many people have rushed into marriage for so many reasons, but the right one. The right one would be to serve God together. That's what marriage is created for. So many of us single people are so desperate to be married that we jump into it missing it's purpose. Because we're not asking the questions a lot of marriages are ending in divorce, or there is infidelity, and even worst people are living unhappy and unfulfilled lives. Hopefully this list can save some of us for falling into the same trending pattern.

The Questions:

Questions you should ask yourself about your mate.

1. How do I avoid emotional traps?

Answer: By setting standards for yourself. When you get involved with someone who fall short to your standards you find yourself compromising the entire relationship. Eventually that gets old and you'll find that you stayed in a relationship that you didn't want to be in because you're emotionally attached. When you invest so much time and you compromised you will become emotionally attached. So let's start asking these questions upfront and sticking to our standards.

2. How has this person added to or taken away from my life?

If the answer is more negatives then positive RUN. If you’re in between slow down and feel it out. If this person seems perfect proceed with caution. Guard your heart at all stages. Until the Holy Spirit tells you he/she is the one and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt be careful and protect yourself. Your heart is the very core of you. A broken heart could cause you to shut down completely so you really want to be careful with this.

3. LADIES: Can this man lead my spiritually and am I willing to follow him?

FELLAS: Can I lead this woman spiritually?

Spiritual leadership is very important. You MUST be equally yoked there is no way around that.

4. LADIES: Is he truly in a position to take care of a family?

FELLAS: Will I be able to provide for her and our children, if any?

Taking care of a family can be pretty steep economically. You want to make sure that this is covered on the front end. If for any reason you feel that this will be an issue hold off on getting married. Financial problems can cause a ton of emotional stress.

Questions to ask your partner before getting married. (These are in no particular order)

1. What is your mental history? Does any type of illness run in your family?

You want to address this upfront. You do not want to have anything come up later that you weren’t aware about. This could be harmful to you and your spouse.

2. May I see your credit report?

Once you say I do you inherit his/her debt.

3. May I see your bank statement?

This will show you how he/she spends money. Their spending habits may not be the greatest and this should give you some idea of that.

4. Make sure you do a criminal background check.

You do not want anything in their past coming back to haunt you.

5. Do you or have you had any addictions?

It can be alcohol, some sort of drugs or even a sexual addiction. Either way find that out.

6. What are your expectations of me as a husband/wife?

You must make sure what they expect aligns with what you expect. It saves a lot of drama on the back end to know upfront.

7. What is the worst thing you've done while angry?

You don't want to be surprised when he or she starts punching walls of busting windows. RUN!

8. Have you ever been violent in a relationship?

Self explanatory, physical abuse of any kind is not a good look.

9. How much information would you like us to share with our friends and or family?

You have to be careful with this. If you share the wrong thing your people can still be angry with him/her while you two have kissed and made up.

10. How many kids would you like to have?

They may want 5 and you want none.

11. How do you review relationships with the opposite sex?

This can be sensitive territory. Ladies he may not be comfortable with you having too many male friends. Check this out!

12. What is your purpose in life?

If he/she has none or it sounds shaky that's a relationship you do not want to be in.

13. How would you like to discipline our children?

They may be a spanker while you're not. Discuss this.

14. What is your relationship with your parents?

This explains a whole lot. Finding this out can tell you a lot about him/her.

15. Do you owe back taxes?

Again you will inherit their debt.

16. How do you feel about debt?

They may be good with paying bills late and you may not be. So you need to determine what you are getting into. This also will help you determine who will be responsible for paying the bills. If He/She is better, then you may want to let them handle that.

17. Who is going to manage the money?

If you saw the bank statement and see that they are careless with spending money then this person may be you.


I have been guilty of not asking this question and found myself in a relationship with someone else's husband. How far was that relationship really going to go? Even if they are separated you don't want to entertain that until that has been resolved. You'll save yourself a lot time and heart ache.

19. How are we going to maintenance the marriage?

Just because you get married doesn't mean you fix things. From time to time (like a luxury car) you have to maintenance your marriage. Be it a monthly get away or weekly date. You should figure out what works best for you both. Also you're going to want to have some check points in the marriage. This is where you as key questions like are you still happy or have you had any affairs.

20. Will we have a couple that mentors us when we're married?

Having a couple, that can stay neutral, to help you through troubled times is wise. My sure this couple is grounded in the word and strong in their faith. Otherwise you might not know what type of council you'll get.

Sexual Questions to ask before getting Married

21. What are your sexual expectations?

He/She may be a freak and you’re not...How is that going to work?

22. How do you feel about oral sex?

VERY Important! Some people do it some don't. Some love it some don't. You need to determine which side the two of you are on.

23. Have you ever been involved in pornography?

Need I say anything about that

24. What type of childhood sexual experiences have you had?

There are a lot of secrets people are suppressing. You are going to want to know these things.

25. Have you or do you have and STDs?

HIV/AIDS along with Herpes cannot be cured. You need to know these things so that you can protect yourself.

There you have it...THE QUESTIONS. Tell me what you think?

Until Next Time Peace and Blessings...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lil Mama get it in...Yuuup she goes hard

Hello hello hello hell lo!!!!

I know it has been a while since I blogged but so much has been going on. I have about 5 blogs in my mind, so in the near future you WILL NOT be disappointed. What I have up my sleeve next will get you all buzzing again, I promise.

After I wrote the blog I said I'd never write, Deceptacon Blues, so much has changed for me. I have been going HARD! I still write for the Baltimore Examiner amongst a few other things. I now have a better position career wise. I'm now blogging with a few other ladies on a blog called "Chic Complexity". I have even become a permanent host on the blog talk radio show "How Waz your Weekend" that can be heard each and every Wednesday at 9PM eastern by going to the website or calling in at (646) 727-3279. Our next show we'll have Motivational Speaker Stan Miller and the topic will be DIVORCE: I said I do, but I didn't mean it. I hope you all tune in. I'm even hosting another party this Friday at Eden's Lounge in Baltimore. I've been BUSY!

As I move towards my quest of living my best life I am learning so much about myself. My likes, dislikes, and what makes me smile. I'm sure you're thinking that's something I should already know and I did. Now that I am getting older I am changing and so are my likes. Honestly I have to change in order to be able to move forward and make the moves God has created me to make. It's called progression.

Well I didn't want to hold you here for too long because you know I can talk and write some stuff however I did want to leave you with this. No matter what, God is in control so let's act like it.

Until next time Peace and Prosperity...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

If you're "Fancy" join me Friday at Penang for TANTRA Fridays!!!

Join me Friday as I host TANTRA Fridays!!!

Ladies is your hair done and nails done??? Are you in the bathroom getting ready with flat irons & nail files? Are you spending hours in salons for your hairsyles? If so, then you need to come out to TANTRA Fridays @ Penang this Friday July 2. ”All FANCY Ladies are free Before Midnight, and fellas are good until 11pm."

Early arrival and table service is suggested to ensure entry!

For table services contact

Ladies FREE until 12 am, Fellas til 11pm.(text "Fancy" to "4432710922")


"Mantra Package"
1 Bottles of Vodka or Cognac (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
1 Bottle of Cliquot
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 5 guests

"Supra Package"
1 Bottle of Moet Imperial Nectar or Nuvo
1 Vodka or Cognac (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 5 guests

"Champagne Diet"
2 Bottles of Moet Imperial Rose
1 FREE Bottle of Moet Imperial Rose
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 5 guests

"Tantra Package"
1 Moet Imperial Rose
1 Bottle of (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
1 Nuvo
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 8 guests

"2 for 1 Package"
2 Bottles of Liqour (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
1 FREE Bottle of Liqour (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 10 guests

"Guru Package"
2 Bottles of Moet Imperial Rose
1 Bottle of Liquor (Ciroc, Belvedere, Grey Goose, Hennessy)
1 Bottle of Nuvo
Complimentary Mixers
Complimentary admission of 12 guests

Notes: *20% Gratuity Service Charge and Taxes Will Be Added to the
Final Bill

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Holy, Hoops, Heels and a Husband

Last week I had the chance to be a call in guest on Andy Brown's Blog Talk Radio Show "How Waz Your Weekend" and I loved it. The show airs each and every Wednesday at 9PM eastern standard. Make sure you check it out on June 30th. I will be a panelist and the discussion will be about "People who Lie to Date." I know that was my attempt at a shameless plug.

Anyways the topic of the show was about interracial dating and some how flipped into dating period. One of the panelist said the problem with black women is "they don't know what they want" which is so not true because I do. I've been known. I might not have told the world but I do know. Which leads me to this blog.

This blog was really hard to write because again I had to dig deep within myself and be vulnerable with you. I tell you after that show all I kept thinking was do I really know what I want. I thought about it. I prayed about it. All of a sudden it hit me YES, YES I DO. I truly know what I want out of life and I'm happy about that. I'm also happy to say I can some it up in four words that I call The 4 H's of Nika. Which are Holy, Hoops, Heels, and a Husband. Ok I know this is not what you are expecting but it's the truth. Walk with me as I explain to you. Here we go...


My favorite song of by Destiny Praise is "Holy is the Lord" and it goes..."Holy is the Lord God Almighty; Worthy to be Worshipped, Praised, and Adored. Holy is the King, the King of Glory. We will bow before you forever more. Holy is the Lord"

Ok just take a second and meditate on those words for me...Aaaahhh! I mean really do I need to say more? I am deeply in love with God. He is the head of my life and without him I am NOTHING. I choose to live like him and I strive to be Holy. Oh yes I o fall short but it doesn't stop me from giving God all I have for he is all I am.


Now this one can be used to symbolize two different wants. The first would be hoops the accessory and or fashion. I LOVE fashion and I can NOT live without it. My style identifies me and I have a special need to express myself using it. Each and every morning I get dressed I think about what message I am transcending with my clothes. I love my's a part of me. I'm sure some of you are thinking this is superficial but it's not. To me fashion is an art and everyday you're viewing MY creations.

The other symbolization oh hoops is sports. I am an athlete and I love sports. All through grade school I played basketball. In my early years I was a center. As I got older I moved into the position of a power forward. I know shocking right??? Would you believe I also was a cheerleader, ran track, played softball, and football? C'mon I'm sure you all know how passionate I am about my Anyways the reason I am such a sports fanatic is because I love comradery of playing with a team. I'm a people person and knowing that I have teammates around to assist me is a great feeling. I've always thought that's what being a Christian was about. Us working together as a team to defeat the Devil bringing the victory home to God. I mean that IS his promise to us right? Victory also know as eternal life. #TeamJesus


Despite the way of the world today what's the one shoes that is made just for women...Heels and I love them. Why??? Well not only because they make me feel tall and model-like, but because they make me feel like a women. I absolutely love being a women. I love girly things like the color pink, ruffles, and dresses. I love it, I love it, I love it! I could never trade this in for anything. A women is the heart of God. She is sensitive, she is vulnerable, she is a nurturer, and her biggest desire is to be loved by those who know her. Now doesn't that sound like God? I know that over the years so many things have pulled women away from the roles that we are created to play. However I do know my role and every chance I get to live in it I DO. It's like basking in the sun with no cares in the world. I'm a women and garsh darn it, it feels so so so so good.


This word really needs no explanation. Sure most women if not all at some point in time desired to have a husband. So being that I AM a women I want one too. Before this gets twisted I don't want just any man to call mine, but I do have a have a standard. In my mind I'm giggling thinking thank God my list isn't as long as Chilli's but I do have one. Well let me take that back, it isn't really a list it's a description. A very very very lengthy description that surprisingly doesn't has as much on it as hers. For example I don't have a kid or baby mama limit nor do I have any stipulations on looks or anything. It's more about the heart of the man.

The number one thing on my list is that he PUT GOD FIRST. The second is that not only does he know and understand my vision and I know his but that our visions align. I do not wanna be in a relationship with Jack who's vision is no where near mine and we spend our whole lives trying to get each other where the other is spiritually. That's not gonna work! That already sounds like chaos and I haven't even met Jack I can go on and on about my future husband but I'll save that for another blog. All you need to know is I want one. Seriously!

So there it is summed up in four words Holy, Hoops, Heels, and a Husband. I can NOT believe I shared that.

Peace and blessings until next time!

Nika "The PR Diva"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Deceptacon Blues

Some of the names and information contained in this blog have been changed for my own personal reasons. Thanks!

On most Friday nights, I'm at home with my child watching a movie. It's a way for us to unwind from the week and just enjoy each other. Well on this particular Friday night, I decided to go out with some friends. The whole way to Angela's house I kept thinking I didn’t really want to go. I was sure my friends were tired of me turning down invitations to outings, so I felt I had to go. When I got there, everyone was dressed to the nines. But me?? Not so much. This is going to be a long night, I thought while the others looked at me like a social misfit or outcast.

So we finally make our way out of the door to Club Elevator, which was the place to be on a Friday night. Still convinced I should have stayed home, I tried to relax and enjoy the company of the ladies. I am kid free tonight. I might as well enjoy it, I told myself. So I relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

"Club Elevator is packed", Celeste said as we pulled into the parking lot. We quickly found a parking spot, touched up our lip gloss, and headed towards the door. As soon as we walked in, we went straight to the bar. "I need a drink," I uttered and all eyes appeared on me. Out of the group of women, I was probably the least likely to drink. I guess I spoke about my church so much they didn't realize I'd drink from time to time socially. I ordered vodka with a splash of cranberry juice. I really needed something to loosen me up because I felt extremely uncomfortable.

Just as I took my first drink this African guy comes over and is talking about how much money he has and how he is this and he is that. I'm thinking he must not be looking at my face because if looks could kill...I would have ran him over with a Mack truck. This man went on and on for a good 20 minutes before asking for my number. He was terrible! He didn't even notice me looking at another guy who walked by. I guess he enjoyed talking about him so much he didn't care how I looked or what I was looking at. He just kept going on and on. This guy on the other hand. The one I watched walk by did something for me. I was drawn to him to the point where I watched him until he disappeared onto the crowded dance floor. "Humph" I shrugged he must not have been interested.

As the African guy whose name I believe to be Adewale walked away another guy walked up. It was almost like he was waiting for Adewale to strike out. This guy whose name I'll never remember had to be 18. His wrap was so weak and I was so not amused. Just as I rolled my eyes and was about to give young dude the hand I saw him. The guy I watched walk thru the crowd was now at the end of the bar watching me. It's him, I thought as I tried to keep my mean mug on so young dude would get happy. Finally he got the hint and walked far away. Well at least I hoped that he did.

As soon as I made eye contact with the guy at the end of the bar he came over. The game just changed. Not only was he a cutie, he dressed nice, and he smelled good. Oh yes he's a winner. When he opened his mouth I giggled. I didn't expect him to be as country as he was. I know he said a lot more then "My name is Melo...Me and my brothers are visiting from Florida," but that's all I "Oh really" I taunted "what are you here for?" "Business," he replied and he liked his top lip in a LL Cool J kind of way. "Oh ok, I can did it," I said wondering what was next. Like most guys who come to visit from other places I just knew he was going to ask what are you doing to night. Then I was going to shoot him down, walk away, and act like he never even walked up to me. To my surprise he didn't ask that at all. What he did ask floored me. Since most of the night we talked about the city he lived in he asked, "so when are you coming to Miami to visit me.”I don't know. When will you be get back" I asked. He quickly replied "after we leave here we're going to Alabama so I'd say in about two weeks." "Well two weeks it is," I said smiling with my eyes.

After that I don't remember us doing much talking. We actually danced for the rest of the night. What I remember most is his brother yelling "woooooow my brother does not dance, he must really be feeling you." And on the other side my friends were saying the same things. "Oh my Nika does not normally act like that," they said with faces full of shock. The Club was closing it was time to go home and I realized that Melo and I hadn't exchange numbers. Just then he asked, 'so how can I get in touch with you to arrange that trip?" "Call me," I smiled then blurted out my number. He told me he left his charger at home so his cell phone was dead but he would remember it. He said he would call me tomorrow after he got to the mall and brought a charger. Cool I thought. This was one of very few guys that I had met and truly wanted to talk to afterwards.

I remember calling him a few times and it seemed as if he was uninterested so I stopped. About a week or so went by since the last time we talked, when my phone rings and its Melo. My first thought was why is he calling me and I answered in that same tone of voice. "Hey what's up? How are you," He asked all in one breath. "Ummm not much," I replied still looking for the answer of why he called. I'm still not sure how but that conversation was one of the best conversations I had in a while. He turned out to be just as cool as I thought he was in Club Elevator. That night we planned our first meeting and things was good from that day on.

The next couple months I was living a fantasy. Everything I needed he provided for me. Everything I wanted he tried his best to get it for me. He was amazing, I felt like I was living in an urban fairytale. Every time he and I was together it was like a dream come true. He was respectful, a gentlemen, and just an all around great guy. Sometimes I thought he was too great. A guy with all of these wonderful qualities and he's still single...Something ain't right I thought. Thinking I'm always paranoid in relationship I shrugged it off and moved on. I asked him if he was in a relationship he said no so I'm going to leave it at that.

Just when things seemed like they could get any better the unthinkable happened. While in Atlanta visiting for the weekend my best friend Chris, short for Christian, got the chance to meet Melo and some of his associates. They seemed to all get along great however, something about this didn't feel right. After the weekend was over and Melo was on the road back to Florida, I had the chance to talk to my girl Chris and find out what she thought about him. To my surprise she said, "He seems wonderful." "Wonderful," I gasped. Chris never approves of any of the guys I’ve introduced her to. This has to be a joke. She's punking me I thought. "Yes, he's cool real cool," she said. "My only concern is he's business partners. They seem shady Nik," she said rather matter of fact like. She suggested that I look him up. "Check the secretary of state in Florida," she suggested. So I did.

What I saw confirmed that he indeed had several businesses and that they are very much so legit. Everything matched with what he said he did. Feeling relieved I noticed one of his companies 407 Custom Whips was incorporated by Romelo David and a woman's name. "Kawanta S. Smalls," I shouted. Harpo who dis women I thought as I quickly Google Ms. Kawanta. The first link to come up was a non-profit where she and two other ladies were listed as the staff. Ok she's got to be a business partner I thought. So I backed out and noticed she had a MySpace page. I clicked on the link and got antsy because my computer started moving slow. Finally it's up and just then my heart broke and was on the floor. Not only was Kawanta S. Smalls his business partner she was also Melo's wife.

I couldn't believe it. You've got to be kidding me I thought as my heart broke into piece and fell on the floor. Embarrassed and ashamed I told Chris what I was seeing and she too went to her MySpace page and was just as surprised as I was. She figured the guy had some shady business dealings but never did she think he was married. I was so overwhelmed with what I was feeling I just went to bed. Tossing and turning wondering how I was going to handle Melo. Should I just start ignoring his calls? Should I ask him about it? I mean the answers are right in front of me. I saw wedding pictures! He's married!

The next morning I was awaken by a call from my girl Chris who was just checking on me. I told her I was fine and that I hadn't spoken to Melo. Quickly I got up the nerve and I called him. He didn't answer. Good I can breathe I thought. Not even a minute later the phone rings and it's Melo. He sounds excited to hear my voice. Afraid I'd fell into his trap I blurted out "why didn't you tell me you are married." The line was dead for a second. Then with confusion in his tone he asked, "What did you just ask me." So I repeated it again. Suddenly he became irritated saying I had bad information and blah blah blah. "Sooooo Kawanta Smalls isn't your wife," I asked quickly. The line was silent again. "I'm going to call you back," he said sounding a little angry.

I was thinking I wouldn't hear from him again and in about 10 minutes my phone rang again. It was him and for some reason I felt nervous. "Hello," I said breathless. "Yeah, what up," he said rather brisk as if we hadn't spoken. He then started to ask who I got my information from and what type of games I was playing. "Games??? Games??? If anybody is playing them it's you. I was upfront about my situation. You on the other hand, you LIED", I snapped. He then started to calm down and says, "I'll call you right back".

This time 30 minutes or so went by before the next call. When he called this time he was a lot cooler. I knew it was because he was taking the time to figure out what he was going to say next. After stating to me that none of his brother or friends would have told me that. Oh and it had to be Angela, who had hung out with one of his brothers a time or too. "Oh I know," he announced rather jubilee. "It was the girl Carlos was with this weekend, she told you because I know you two exchanged number," he declared. He was way off base. I didn't even remember babygirl's name let alone did I have her number.

Moving forward in the conversation Melo told me he was separated and in the process of a divorce. Totally confused with everything, I just listened. He began to tell me how much I meant to him and that he lied because he didn't want to not have the opportunity to date me giving his past choices and begged me to not check out on him. Thinking biblically this is not right. What would God my father say about this? Hell what would my mother say? After talking for a couple of hours I told him I needed some time to think about it all and I would let him know in a few days if I wanted to continue seeing him.

The thought of losing me must have really motivated Melo because things went from 0 to 60 over night. He started calling more, we started seeing each other more, and it appeared as if he was serious about building a future with me. He would go out of his way to make sure I was happy no matter the cost. We would spend countless amounts of hours on the phone when a part. We would be together for days at a time when we did see each other. It was as if our main focus was just being together. His business associates started complaining because he was slacking on projects trying to keep up with me. While my friends are tripping because every time we go out I end up in a corner on the phone with Melo. It was surreal. I had never become so engrossed with another human being besides my child. He was for me I was for him and we were riding it out for each other.

I had pushed the thoughts of his wife to the back of my head until one day a weird feeling came over me, Melo was suppose to come to Atlanta for the weekend but he didn't show up, yet he kept saying he was on his way. To add fuel to the fire he was unreachable for an entire day. When I'd call he would answer via text. Hmmm this is not like him. When he finally calls it was in the late afternoon. I asked him what happened to him. He told me a crazy story. A story that even my child wouldn't have believed. He told me he was sorry and that he would make it up to me by stopping in Atlanta to take me and my daughter to brunch the next morning on his way to Alabama. Thinking he must think I'm a fool I said "ok" and went on with the rest of my day. The next day I didn't hear from him until late afternoon. This time he says he's in Alabama, he woke up late and had to jump on the road.

At this point I was more then convinced that something was up but I didn't know what. Was he playing a game because he just couldn't make it and didn't want to say anything? Or was he at home with his family laughing at me for being so foolish? Either way I was aggravated and I really just wanted some answers. The next afternoon I went on his wife's MySpace page and she had posted pictures from that weekend. You'll never guess where the two of them were...ATLANTA! So here I was in a state of confusion. My lease on my apartment was up in less than 60 days. We still hadn't found a place for me and my daughter in Florida. The PR project I was working on had ended and I didn't take on a new one knowing I was moving to Florida. Here comes the worst part due to my lost of income Melo was paying ALL of my bills. Yes I said, car note, insurance, utilities, cable, credit cards, any bills I had he paid them. So what do I do? I got on my knees and I prayed about it. I knew I'd gotten myself in that position but I knew who I belonged to.

From here on out things got pretty interesting. My prayers had given me some clarity and I was able to see that situation for what it was. I was no longer masking my thoughts I would just say them. For two months Melo and I had a lot of static. No matter what he did or said I didn't believe in him. I often questioned his motives and would feel uncomfortable anytime we were together. I still played along with the plan that I was moving to Florida. This is somewhere I wanted to live and if this guy is going to pay for it, why not I thought. Of course my God had a different plan. A couple of weeks before the scheduled move "D-Day" happened. The term "D-Day" is used by mistresses; it stands for Dooms Day which is the day the wife finds out about her.

So here I am laying in my bed in a cold sleep on a Sunday night and at exactly midnight my phone is ringing. Who in the world could this be? Melo and I hadn't spoken all day but this isn't his ring tone. Maybe he's calling from another number I thought as I looked at the phone. As soon as I saw the number I knew who it was. It was Kawanta. Why would she be calling me what does she want? I answered the phone, "hello hello hello," no response. I quickly disconnected the call and called Melo immediately. Of course he didn't answer. I texted him and still no response. In my mind I'm thinking where the heck is he and why isn't he answering the phone. "Could it be a third person in the mix," I thought. Ridiculous! The next morning around 10 AM Melo calls like everything is cool. Meanwhile I'm flipping out. He then tells me she's just trying to be nosey she knows I'm with and a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't convincing at all. I knew at the moment that he was indeed a deceptacon and I'd been had.

That evening a friend convinced me that I should call Kawanta back. She told me that I needed to talk to Kawanta to find out the real story. "It will make you feel better," she said. "I guess you're right," I said. So we called her. Yes I said we. My friend Ebony dialed the number and did all the talking while I listened in on the call. Man I was in a state of shock after the call. Now I wished we hadn't done that. I believe it was counterproductive. That just caused extra drama in her world and I wasn't trying to do that. I knew the truth without making that call. I believe I knew all along. I was just blinded by what a wanted.

From there I called upon my God, my family, and friends. Because of God's favor, He worked it out and saw fit that I was where he wanted to be. The rest of the story is pretty much history. Have I spoken with Melo since then? Of course I have. Have I seen Melo since then? That would be a yes as well. I've seen him as recently as last month. Do I still have feeling for him? Of course I do, I'm human. Do I think I deserve what happened to me? That would be a yes and a no. Part of me says yes because I knew better. The other half says no because I was only trying to believe in him and our relationship. To this day all I really want from Melo is the truth and an apology, but he can't do that. He won’t do that. For some reason in him mind he can't seem to accept that I am far beyond the fairytale. I want the real. I NEED the real. I need to know why he did it and why he thought doing it was a good idea. At this point I know these are question I may never know the answer to and I'm finally good with that. So I walk away from it with my head held high. I'm still Nika who is wonderfully made.

A few months ago I told Melo I would never write this blog. I really planned to stick to that promise until I saw Mo Better Blues on TV a few weeks back. The scene where both of Denzel's women came in the club wearing the same dress sparked something in me. It made me think of the times Melo said those same things to me. They say conformations comes in threes right? Well a week later my fiend "Dungeon Family's Backbone" suggested I blog it out. He also told me if I had any problems after posting this "tell them you know goons." Hey people! I know Just last week Chris called me and asked “What’s up with your blog?” This really set me back a little. I never told her that I was even thinking about writing this blog. So anyways, what I want you to grasp is this; never ever give anybody in your life too much power. God is in control, not man I was so caught up in Melo and that relationship that I neglected my God and for that everything around me crumbled and I was left to pick up the pieces one by one.

I've finally forgiven Melo and most importantly myself for everything. I can look in the mirror again and be proud of who I am and what I'm doing in my life. I am no longer carrying the shame and the guilt that I carried for almost a year and I half. Once again I'm free and my spirit has been resurrected. As I continue to purge and take steps towards being the best me my hopes are that you’re walking with me. I hope that you realize that in life we all have our test. That's why it's called a TESTament. Years ago I used to think that if I experience true hurt that it would make me more compassionate. You want to know what...I think I was right.

Until next time I bid you peace and blessings.