Thursday, October 22, 2009

Oooh baby I like it raw (part 2)

A couple days ago I blogged about how I like my information raw and uncut. On part 1 I spoke of the cause which is being deceived in a relationship. Today I'd like to focus more on the effect which is somebody always gets hurt. I am now beginning to understand how and why some women become bitter. For years I often wondered what in the world could make a soft, beautiful, and delicate women harden her heart in such a way. Some are so hard it's to where nobody can even get close to her. Do you know somebody like this?

Your heart is the inner core of you. It gives you life. So if somebody gets close enough to you that they hurt your to your inner core which is your heart...then you can't function. Therefore, you are not living. Do you really think it's fair to put somebody in a situation where they're not functioning? me neither. Speaking from experience it is a horrible feeling to have been in a relationship with somebody who wasn't honest with you. The rejection you feel knowing that you gave it your best and the other person didn't can be unbearable. We all remember how T.I.'s character felt at the end of ATL when he found out that New-New lied to him and his friend Esquire knew about it. He was so hurt that he completely shut down on everybody. That scene always touches me because at that point he didn't know if he should believe what they had was real or not. Kind of like women feel after being deceived in a relationship.

So fellas...You meet a women right; you think she has a great personality and you find her attractive. If at that moment you know that you can not commit to this women in the why that she deserves please please please leave her alone. Why am I so passionate about this? Because I am that women. If you can't give her the world they don't promise her that. If you don't love her then don't tell her you do. If you have no intentions on doing right by her I suggest you walk away. The pain she will feel in result of your games is harder for her to deal with then it is for you to walk away.

Now ladies...Yes I am talking to you right now. Please stop giving these men all of your power. The biggest advice I can give you on this is to shut up and wait. I seriously mean wait. No one I repeat no one is worth you giving yourself to but your husband. So that means saying no to your, cut buddies, boyfriends, and fiances until you say I do. I know you're thinking who is she to tell me that. I'm somebody whose been there. Do you think my desire was to be a single Mother? Nope! I didn't take my own advice and got involved with someone who will probably never know my worth. How could he when I gave him what God created for MY husband.

We've all on one occasion or another been hurt by someone but the greatest hurt comes when you've connected with someone physically. Sex was created by God to bind two people. So how hurtful is it to break away that bond? You have to remember this bond is formed by something God created which means it's extremely strong.

I'm sure most men will never feel the effect of their untruths but, I'm sure karma will catch up to you someday.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Oooh baby I like it raw!

Before I start I want to clear up the meaning of the title. I am not talking the Ol Dirty Bastard type raw. I'm talking imperative information type raw. When I ask people for advice on deep and personal maters; I tend to say give it to me raw, uncut, with no chasers. So that's why I gave this blog the title "Oooh baby I like it raw."

The past couple of relationships I've been ended a hot mess. All because we had a few unnecessary episodes of drama that could have been avoided. Yes if only those men had been honest one of those relationships could still be going on...maybe. If only they could have kept it real and gave it to me raw I would still have respect for him and we might have been able to remain friends. Instead of the truth I got a stale reheated meal that I would have never ordered. It's not fair. It's just not fair that so many men are out here remixing their lives just for some action.

I just don't think men realize that in these days and times women are accepting men for who they are. We're also accepting the baggage that come along with them too. Look at Kandi! She was engaged to a man with four baby mamas and six kids. I bet she loved them all too. So why lie? At the end of the day, all it does is create a bunch of drama that you and any of the parties involved do not need. Some people acquire a lifetime of hurt after this.

For example, I met a guy a few years back while hanging out with some friends. He and I became close very quickly and we started dating. He had mentioned to me that he and his ex-girlfriend was at some point really good friends and that she helped him launch his modeling career. He never told me the friendship was present tense. Being the person I am her being his friend wouldn't have mattered but, something wasn't right. Clearly he and this girl was more then just friends. She called him all the time. If he didn't answer she'd call right back. The boy even gave the girl her own ring tone. Maybe he thought I wouldn't notice the difference in the ring tone...yeah right! When I would ask him about it he would down play it and act as if I was just being paranoid.

Ok so some stuff went down and forced it all on the table. Apparently I was right about my suspicions and the girl was more then a friend. She and I had words, he and I had words. It was a big mess. All of this could have been avoided if he told the truth. NOOOOO he had me walking around like I had jealous tendencies. All that time I had a reason to be alarmed. What he didn't tell me was he and baby girl had a history of on again off again relationships. I met him on the off again and somewhere in between he and I; they had become an on again. Do you think that I would have dealt with him given the situation? Hell no! I'm still pissed! I wish he would have given it to me raw.

Another example, I met a very nice guy while at a club with some friends in Atlanta. I was very intrigued by him and we hit it off well. It was a slow start and I could never figure out why he seemed to stand off a little at times. As weeks went by and the relationship started to lean towards us entertaining a dating situation I asked the important questions. Are you married, attached, have an estranged baby mama? This dude straight told me no. I asked again when we started making future plans etc. if there was anyone else out there who considers themselves in a romantic relationship with you., Again he says no. So here I go falling in love with this amazing guy who turns out to be married. I was beyond shocked. I couldn't believe a man would even go out like that. Even after being found out he lied and said he was separated and getting a divorce. I didn't stick around long enough to find out. I still wish he would have been honest in the first place instead of given me "The Remix". I wouldn't have wasted precious time or life on him.

At the end of the day I just don't get why you would deceive someone in that manner. Like I mentioned earlier there are some women that will deal with a man and all of his baggage. I'm just not one of them. So fellas the next time you meet a girl and you think about giving her some old reheated stale food, please don't. All you're doing is taking away her options and adding extra drama to yourself. I tell the person I'm involved with right now , "be honest with me. The know stuff I can deal with; it's the unknown that can kill me because I don't see it coming."

Who else have ever experienced this??? Male or female let me know. I'd like to take this topic to the next level.