Thursday, December 2, 2010
The past month my emotional senses has continued to be activated as I've embarked upon quite a few changes in my life. Since I’ve started this blog I’ve noticed an increase in communication with women who had been in relationships similar to mine with Melo (see blog Deceptacon Blues for reference). “Oh how I know the feeling,” I recall saying each and every time I hear them say how they believed in and or trusted their married boyfriends. This is always the part where I go into advice mode advising my friend the steps she should take in moving forward from something that seems impossible. So I decided to blog about it. That’s right give my advice on what I did to move forward from that unhealthy relationship. Now brace yourself because I’m not even going to sugar coat it today. *insert smile here, LOL*
First thing first is to determine in fact that the relationship is worth the time and energy you have to put into it to maintain it. If not you need to, start cutting your loses now. There is nothing worse than you letting time go by in a non-productive relationship causing you to be stagnated. Think about it…You spend your entire relationship trying to get that person on the same level you’re on. That doesn’t sound like too much fun to me. Personally I prefer someone in my life that would enhance the person I already am. Someone who helps to make my life easier and wants me to become the best person I can be. Seriously how am I to do that if I’m too busy focused on him getting like me? I can’t even imagine.
Truthfully if he puts god first and his goals and visions are in line with or similar to mine then I’m all for it otherwise I already know it’s a challenge. So what I’m saying here is that we as women need to set a standard and stay focused on it. One of the biggest reasons we fell so hard for the married man in the first place was because we lowered our standard. After getting the “me and my wife are separated story” we should have left those men where they stood; telling them to call us when they have a divorce decree in hand. Think about it, if a man truly loves you, he should want to protect you and provide you with the best. Do you really think you’re getting his best when legally and spiritually he has NO BUSINESS being with you?
Once you’ve gotten a hold on reality the next step is to begin focusing on you. Every woman I’ve spoken to in an unhappy relationship has asked the same question which always amazes me. They ask“Hmmm I wonder what he’s thinking” as if he’s thoughts even matter. My response is always “who cares what he thinks, it’s not about him,” and I mean it every time too. Ladies at this point it’s no longer about him. Making it about him got you here in the first place. At this point he doesn’t deserve a second of your time to being wasted on wondering about him. He’s the one who violated you and your trust in the first place. He knew you were into him and instead of doing the right thing he chose to be selfish and use you. That’s NO GOOD. Seriously if he thought so highly of you you would not be the other woman, side chick, or just some random chick his screwing. Oh yes, I said it just like that because that’s what it is! Sounds to me like it’s time for you to make a few adjustments.
Ok ok so I went off in a rant but it’s within good reason. I can relate and it angers me to hear about a woman encountering what I did. Anyways now it’s time to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m so special” and believe it. If you don’t believe it the first time, keep saying it over and over until you do. I know this sounds redundant but you’re fearful and wonderfully made in God’s design to be great. You deserve to be so much more then to be mistreated or in any unhealthy relationship. If this is not convincing enough write a list of all of your wonderful qualities. You know the great things that make you who you are.
Once you’ve written this list start focusing on your vision. If you haven’t figured that out yet I’d suggest reading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. After doing all of that re-read those last couple of paragraphs. I bet then you’ll realize you are worth so much more then that relationship. Now I can go on and on about how to move on and getting what you deserve, but only one thing is for certain. You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Hurt from leaving an unhealthy relationship is far less than staying in one. Remember that! So what are you waiting for??? Get to blocking numbers, emails, and all of your social networking accounts. It's time for you to move on and be free from that bondage. Here's a link to a youtube video of a song called "Free" by Destiny's Child. It's very inspirational for moment like these. Enjoy!
Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!