Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Deceptacon Blues

Some of the names and information contained in this blog have been changed for my own personal reasons. Thanks!

On most Friday nights, I'm at home with my child watching a movie. It's a way for us to unwind from the week and just enjoy each other. Well on this particular Friday night, I decided to go out with some friends. The whole way to Angela's house I kept thinking I didn’t really want to go. I was sure my friends were tired of me turning down invitations to outings, so I felt I had to go. When I got there, everyone was dressed to the nines. But me?? Not so much. This is going to be a long night, I thought while the others looked at me like a social misfit or outcast.

So we finally make our way out of the door to Club Elevator, which was the place to be on a Friday night. Still convinced I should have stayed home, I tried to relax and enjoy the company of the ladies. I am kid free tonight. I might as well enjoy it, I told myself. So I relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

"Club Elevator is packed", Celeste said as we pulled into the parking lot. We quickly found a parking spot, touched up our lip gloss, and headed towards the door. As soon as we walked in, we went straight to the bar. "I need a drink," I uttered and all eyes appeared on me. Out of the group of women, I was probably the least likely to drink. I guess I spoke about my church so much they didn't realize I'd drink from time to time socially. I ordered vodka with a splash of cranberry juice. I really needed something to loosen me up because I felt extremely uncomfortable.

Just as I took my first drink this African guy comes over and is talking about how much money he has and how he is this and he is that. I'm thinking he must not be looking at my face because if looks could kill...I would have ran him over with a Mack truck. This man went on and on for a good 20 minutes before asking for my number. He was terrible! He didn't even notice me looking at another guy who walked by. I guess he enjoyed talking about him so much he didn't care how I looked or what I was looking at. He just kept going on and on. This guy on the other hand. The one I watched walk by did something for me. I was drawn to him to the point where I watched him until he disappeared onto the crowded dance floor. "Humph" I shrugged he must not have been interested.

As the African guy whose name I believe to be Adewale walked away another guy walked up. It was almost like he was waiting for Adewale to strike out. This guy whose name I'll never remember had to be 18. His wrap was so weak and I was so not amused. Just as I rolled my eyes and was about to give young dude the hand I saw him. The guy I watched walk thru the crowd was now at the end of the bar watching me. It's him, I thought as I tried to keep my mean mug on so young dude would get happy. Finally he got the hint and walked far away. Well at least I hoped that he did.

As soon as I made eye contact with the guy at the end of the bar he came over. The game just changed. Not only was he a cutie, he dressed nice, and he smelled good. Oh yes he's a winner. When he opened his mouth I giggled. I didn't expect him to be as country as he was. I know he said a lot more then "My name is Melo...Me and my brothers are visiting from Florida," but that's all I heard...lol "Oh really" I taunted "what are you here for?" "Business," he replied and he liked his top lip in a LL Cool J kind of way. "Oh ok, I can did it," I said wondering what was next. Like most guys who come to visit from other places I just knew he was going to ask what are you doing to night. Then I was going to shoot him down, walk away, and act like he never even walked up to me. To my surprise he didn't ask that at all. What he did ask floored me. Since most of the night we talked about the city he lived in he asked, "so when are you coming to Miami to visit me.”I don't know. When will you be get back" I asked. He quickly replied "after we leave here we're going to Alabama so I'd say in about two weeks." "Well two weeks it is," I said smiling with my eyes.

After that I don't remember us doing much talking. We actually danced for the rest of the night. What I remember most is his brother yelling "woooooow my brother does not dance, he must really be feeling you." And on the other side my friends were saying the same things. "Oh my Nika does not normally act like that," they said with faces full of shock. The Club was closing it was time to go home and I realized that Melo and I hadn't exchange numbers. Just then he asked, 'so how can I get in touch with you to arrange that trip?" "Call me," I smiled then blurted out my number. He told me he left his charger at home so his cell phone was dead but he would remember it. He said he would call me tomorrow after he got to the mall and brought a charger. Cool I thought. This was one of very few guys that I had met and truly wanted to talk to afterwards.

I remember calling him a few times and it seemed as if he was uninterested so I stopped. About a week or so went by since the last time we talked, when my phone rings and its Melo. My first thought was why is he calling me and I answered in that same tone of voice. "Hey what's up? How are you," He asked all in one breath. "Ummm not much," I replied still looking for the answer of why he called. I'm still not sure how but that conversation was one of the best conversations I had in a while. He turned out to be just as cool as I thought he was in Club Elevator. That night we planned our first meeting and things was good from that day on.

The next couple months I was living a fantasy. Everything I needed he provided for me. Everything I wanted he tried his best to get it for me. He was amazing, I felt like I was living in an urban fairytale. Every time he and I was together it was like a dream come true. He was respectful, a gentlemen, and just an all around great guy. Sometimes I thought he was too great. A guy with all of these wonderful qualities and he's still single...Something ain't right I thought. Thinking I'm always paranoid in relationship I shrugged it off and moved on. I asked him if he was in a relationship he said no so I'm going to leave it at that.

Just when things seemed like they could get any better the unthinkable happened. While in Atlanta visiting for the weekend my best friend Chris, short for Christian, got the chance to meet Melo and some of his associates. They seemed to all get along great however, something about this didn't feel right. After the weekend was over and Melo was on the road back to Florida, I had the chance to talk to my girl Chris and find out what she thought about him. To my surprise she said, "He seems wonderful." "Wonderful," I gasped. Chris never approves of any of the guys I’ve introduced her to. This has to be a joke. She's punking me I thought. "Yes, he's cool real cool," she said. "My only concern is he's business partners. They seem shady Nik," she said rather matter of fact like. She suggested that I look him up. "Check the secretary of state in Florida," she suggested. So I did.

What I saw confirmed that he indeed had several businesses and that they are very much so legit. Everything matched with what he said he did. Feeling relieved I noticed one of his companies 407 Custom Whips was incorporated by Romelo David and a woman's name. "Kawanta S. Smalls," I shouted. Harpo who dis women I thought as I quickly Google Ms. Kawanta. The first link to come up was a non-profit where she and two other ladies were listed as the staff. Ok she's got to be a business partner I thought. So I backed out and noticed she had a MySpace page. I clicked on the link and got antsy because my computer started moving slow. Finally it's up and just then my heart broke and was on the floor. Not only was Kawanta S. Smalls his business partner she was also Melo's wife.

I couldn't believe it. You've got to be kidding me I thought as my heart broke into piece and fell on the floor. Embarrassed and ashamed I told Chris what I was seeing and she too went to her MySpace page and was just as surprised as I was. She figured the guy had some shady business dealings but never did she think he was married. I was so overwhelmed with what I was feeling I just went to bed. Tossing and turning wondering how I was going to handle Melo. Should I just start ignoring his calls? Should I ask him about it? I mean the answers are right in front of me. I saw wedding pictures! He's married!

The next morning I was awaken by a call from my girl Chris who was just checking on me. I told her I was fine and that I hadn't spoken to Melo. Quickly I got up the nerve and I called him. He didn't answer. Good I can breathe I thought. Not even a minute later the phone rings and it's Melo. He sounds excited to hear my voice. Afraid I'd fell into his trap I blurted out "why didn't you tell me you are married." The line was dead for a second. Then with confusion in his tone he asked, "What did you just ask me." So I repeated it again. Suddenly he became irritated saying I had bad information and blah blah blah. "Sooooo Kawanta Smalls isn't your wife," I asked quickly. The line was silent again. "I'm going to call you back," he said sounding a little angry.

I was thinking I wouldn't hear from him again and in about 10 minutes my phone rang again. It was him and for some reason I felt nervous. "Hello," I said breathless. "Yeah, what up," he said rather brisk as if we hadn't spoken. He then started to ask who I got my information from and what type of games I was playing. "Games??? Games??? If anybody is playing them it's you. I was upfront about my situation. You on the other hand, you LIED", I snapped. He then started to calm down and says, "I'll call you right back".

This time 30 minutes or so went by before the next call. When he called this time he was a lot cooler. I knew it was because he was taking the time to figure out what he was going to say next. After stating to me that none of his brother or friends would have told me that. Oh and it had to be Angela, who had hung out with one of his brothers a time or too. "Oh I know," he announced rather jubilee. "It was the girl Carlos was with this weekend, she told you because I know you two exchanged number," he declared. He was way off base. I didn't even remember babygirl's name let alone did I have her number.

Moving forward in the conversation Melo told me he was separated and in the process of a divorce. Totally confused with everything, I just listened. He began to tell me how much I meant to him and that he lied because he didn't want to not have the opportunity to date me giving his past choices and begged me to not check out on him. Thinking biblically this is not right. What would God my father say about this? Hell what would my mother say? After talking for a couple of hours I told him I needed some time to think about it all and I would let him know in a few days if I wanted to continue seeing him.

The thought of losing me must have really motivated Melo because things went from 0 to 60 over night. He started calling more, we started seeing each other more, and it appeared as if he was serious about building a future with me. He would go out of his way to make sure I was happy no matter the cost. We would spend countless amounts of hours on the phone when a part. We would be together for days at a time when we did see each other. It was as if our main focus was just being together. His business associates started complaining because he was slacking on projects trying to keep up with me. While my friends are tripping because every time we go out I end up in a corner on the phone with Melo. It was surreal. I had never become so engrossed with another human being besides my child. He was for me I was for him and we were riding it out for each other.

I had pushed the thoughts of his wife to the back of my head until one day a weird feeling came over me, Melo was suppose to come to Atlanta for the weekend but he didn't show up, yet he kept saying he was on his way. To add fuel to the fire he was unreachable for an entire day. When I'd call he would answer via text. Hmmm this is not like him. When he finally calls it was in the late afternoon. I asked him what happened to him. He told me a crazy story. A story that even my child wouldn't have believed. He told me he was sorry and that he would make it up to me by stopping in Atlanta to take me and my daughter to brunch the next morning on his way to Alabama. Thinking he must think I'm a fool I said "ok" and went on with the rest of my day. The next day I didn't hear from him until late afternoon. This time he says he's in Alabama, he woke up late and had to jump on the road.

At this point I was more then convinced that something was up but I didn't know what. Was he playing a game because he just couldn't make it and didn't want to say anything? Or was he at home with his family laughing at me for being so foolish? Either way I was aggravated and I really just wanted some answers. The next afternoon I went on his wife's MySpace page and she had posted pictures from that weekend. You'll never guess where the two of them were...ATLANTA! So here I was in a state of confusion. My lease on my apartment was up in less than 60 days. We still hadn't found a place for me and my daughter in Florida. The PR project I was working on had ended and I didn't take on a new one knowing I was moving to Florida. Here comes the worst part due to my lost of income Melo was paying ALL of my bills. Yes I said all...rent, car note, insurance, utilities, cable, credit cards, any bills I had he paid them. So what do I do? I got on my knees and I prayed about it. I knew I'd gotten myself in that position but I knew who I belonged to.

From here on out things got pretty interesting. My prayers had given me some clarity and I was able to see that situation for what it was. I was no longer masking my thoughts I would just say them. For two months Melo and I had a lot of static. No matter what he did or said I didn't believe in him. I often questioned his motives and would feel uncomfortable anytime we were together. I still played along with the plan that I was moving to Florida. This is somewhere I wanted to live and if this guy is going to pay for it, why not I thought. Of course my God had a different plan. A couple of weeks before the scheduled move "D-Day" happened. The term "D-Day" is used by mistresses; it stands for Dooms Day which is the day the wife finds out about her.

So here I am laying in my bed in a cold sleep on a Sunday night and at exactly midnight my phone is ringing. Who in the world could this be? Melo and I hadn't spoken all day but this isn't his ring tone. Maybe he's calling from another number I thought as I looked at the phone. As soon as I saw the number I knew who it was. It was Kawanta. Why would she be calling me what does she want? I answered the phone, "hello hello hello," no response. I quickly disconnected the call and called Melo immediately. Of course he didn't answer. I texted him and still no response. In my mind I'm thinking where the heck is he and why isn't he answering the phone. "Could it be a third person in the mix," I thought. Ridiculous! The next morning around 10 AM Melo calls like everything is cool. Meanwhile I'm flipping out. He then tells me she's just trying to be nosey she knows I'm with and a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't convincing at all. I knew at the moment that he was indeed a deceptacon and I'd been had.

That evening a friend convinced me that I should call Kawanta back. She told me that I needed to talk to Kawanta to find out the real story. "It will make you feel better," she said. "I guess you're right," I said. So we called her. Yes I said we. My friend Ebony dialed the number and did all the talking while I listened in on the call. Man I was in a state of shock after the call. Now I wished we hadn't done that. I believe it was counterproductive. That just caused extra drama in her world and I wasn't trying to do that. I knew the truth without making that call. I believe I knew all along. I was just blinded by what a wanted.

From there I called upon my God, my family, and friends. Because of God's favor, He worked it out and saw fit that I was where he wanted to be. The rest of the story is pretty much history. Have I spoken with Melo since then? Of course I have. Have I seen Melo since then? That would be a yes as well. I've seen him as recently as last month. Do I still have feeling for him? Of course I do, I'm human. Do I think I deserve what happened to me? That would be a yes and a no. Part of me says yes because I knew better. The other half says no because I was only trying to believe in him and our relationship. To this day all I really want from Melo is the truth and an apology, but he can't do that. He won’t do that. For some reason in him mind he can't seem to accept that I am far beyond the fairytale. I want the real. I NEED the real. I need to know why he did it and why he thought doing it was a good idea. At this point I know these are question I may never know the answer to and I'm finally good with that. So I walk away from it with my head held high. I'm still Nika who is wonderfully made.

A few months ago I told Melo I would never write this blog. I really planned to stick to that promise until I saw Mo Better Blues on TV a few weeks back. The scene where both of Denzel's women came in the club wearing the same dress sparked something in me. It made me think of the times Melo said those same things to me. They say conformations comes in threes right? Well a week later my fiend "Dungeon Family's Backbone" suggested I blog it out. He also told me if I had any problems after posting this "tell them you know goons." Hey people! I know goons...lol Just last week Chris called me and asked “What’s up with your blog?” This really set me back a little. I never told her that I was even thinking about writing this blog. So anyways, what I want you to grasp is this; never ever give anybody in your life too much power. God is in control, not man I was so caught up in Melo and that relationship that I neglected my God and for that everything around me crumbled and I was left to pick up the pieces one by one.

I've finally forgiven Melo and most importantly myself for everything. I can look in the mirror again and be proud of who I am and what I'm doing in my life. I am no longer carrying the shame and the guilt that I carried for almost a year and I half. Once again I'm free and my spirit has been resurrected. As I continue to purge and take steps towards being the best me my hopes are that you’re walking with me. I hope that you realize that in life we all have our test. That's why it's called a TESTament. Years ago I used to think that if I experience true hurt that it would make me more compassionate. You want to know what...I think I was right.

Until next time I bid you peace and blessings.

1 comment:

  1. Incredible...so proud of you for writing this. Releasing, relating, regaining, and refreshing. You go gurl. This was beautifully written, n so full of your heart. I loved it.