Yes, I'm 35 and Single!

So here we go kicking off the New Year trying to get right. In doing so I thought I should go ahead and get this blog out that I have been avoiding for a while. I really didn't want to explain myself because I don't feel like anything is wrong with my relationship status. I'm just tired of being asked "why are you single" over and over by so many people. So here it goes.

Reason #1 Because I want to be. I've never been one of those girls who dreamed of being married and had their wedding dress picked out by the time they was 12. I've always been the opposite. I never wanted kids, although I love them, and I never really thought about marrying anyone for real. Well I'll just say I hadn't until I was well in my 30s. See previous blog Chicks like me don't get Married.
Reason #2 I'm VERY career driven and my biggest goal in life has always been to reach my career max. While some women thought about big houses with white picket fences; I was dreaming of penthouse condos, private jets, and chauffeurs. Honesty I still am. LOL I've always thought of myself as being that woman who was always on the go, flying all over the world closing business deal after business deal. I couldn't dare imagine trying to cater to a husband and do all of those things. Being a single Mother is complicated but I make all the rules. When I roll my kid rolls with me. In a marriage that wouldn't be acceptable.

Reason #3  I'm afraid of commitment! Anything that requires me to commit to for a long period of time scares me. I don't care what it is. Buying a house, a car, or anything... I'm sure you are thinking "she's unstable" but that's not it. I just like to be free. I hate feeling as if I can't do certain things because of certain restraints. If I get a great opportunity that requires me to pick up and go to London for a few years I want to be able to go. I don't want to have anything holding me back. I know that sounds selfish but, I'm being honest. Being in a committed relationship means I have to make some adjustments that I'm not sure I'm ready to make right now.

Reason #4 I have a child.  Those of you who are single parents can relate to this so well. My job is to protect my child therefore everybody isn't fit to be around her. Do you know how many children have been harmed by their father figures??? Call me extra for that one but it's real. Things like this happen. I also have to think if this person will be a good father to my child and will he love her as his own. You see she and I are a package deal. So any man I chose now has the responsibility of taking care of both of us and that's a HUGE responsibility. Think about how it would feel to have to take care of someone else's child everyday. That's a lot! I think it takes a special man to do this.

Reason # 5 I haven't met my husband yet. I have a lot of great guy friends. I've even dated a few great guys. However, none of these relationships has made me want to take that step towards jumping the broom. Have I thought about it?  Absolutely but as soon as I get too deep something happens that pulls me out of it. I'm sure some day some guy will come into my life that I don't want to live a day without. When he does I guess that will be the day I decide to say I do. Until then I'm happily single. Enjoying this chapter of my life and staying focused on my goals of and vision.

So there you have it the top 5 reasons why I'm single. I'm thinking the next time I'm asked "why are you single?' I will direct them to this blog. HA!

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!


~Nika~

I'm so Special...

So my theme for this last quarter of 2010 is "I'm so special" and I'm loving it. Since I've completed this mean girl cleanse I have been able to see things a lot clearer. Freeing myself from all of that negativity has made me a lot happier. Not that I wasn't happy before but, it's a difference now. For example I can see something that is extremely ridiculous and I'll just leave it alone. I used to say we as people have to pick and chose or own battles. Will now I pick and chose not to entertain foolishness. I'm not saying that I wont make a joke every now and again when I hear or see some juicy celebrity gossip I haven't gone that far just yet...LOL

The past month my emotional senses has continued to be activated as I've embarked upon quite a few changes in my life. Since I’ve started this blog I’ve noticed an increase in communication with women who had been in relationships similar to mine with Melo (see blog Deceptacon Blues for reference). “Oh how I know the feeling,” I recall saying each and every time I hear them say how they believed in and or trusted their married boyfriends. This is always the part where I go into advice mode advising my friend the steps she should take in moving forward from something that seems impossible. So I decided to blog about it. That’s right give my advice on what I did to move forward from that unhealthy relationship. Now brace yourself because I’m not even going to sugar coat it today. *insert smile here, LOL*

First thing first is to determine in fact that the relationship is worth the time and energy you have to put into it to maintain it. If not you need to, start cutting your loses now. There is nothing worse than you letting time go by in a non-productive relationship causing you to be stagnated. Think about it…You spend your entire relationship trying to get that person on the same level you’re on. That doesn’t sound like too much fun to me. Personally I prefer someone in my life that would enhance the person I already am. Someone who helps to make my life easier and wants me to become the best person I can be. Seriously how am I to do that if I’m too busy focused on him getting like me? I can’t even imagine.

Truthfully if he puts god first and his goals and visions are in line with or similar to mine then I’m all for it otherwise I already know it’s a challenge. So what I’m saying here is that we as women need to set a standard and stay focused on it. One of the biggest reasons we fell so hard for the married man in the first place was because we lowered our standard. After getting the “me and my wife are separated story” we should have left those men where they stood; telling them to call us when they have a divorce decree in hand. Think about it, if a man truly loves you, he should want to protect you and provide you with the best. Do you really think you’re getting his best when legally and spiritually he has NO BUSINESS being with you?

Once you’ve gotten a hold on reality the next step is to begin focusing on you. Every woman I’ve spoken to in an unhappy relationship has asked the same question which always amazes me. They ask“Hmmm I wonder what he’s thinking” as if he’s thoughts even matter. My response is always “who cares what he thinks, it’s not about him,” and I mean it every time too. Ladies at this point it’s no longer about him. Making it about him got you here in the first place. At this point he doesn’t deserve a second of your time to being wasted on wondering about him. He’s the one who violated you and your trust in the first place. He knew you were into him and instead of doing the right thing he chose to be selfish and use you. That’s NO GOOD. Seriously if he thought so highly of you you would not be the other woman, side chick, or just some random chick his screwing. Oh yes, I said it just like that because that’s what it is! Sounds to me like it’s time for you to make a few adjustments.

Ok ok so I went off in a rant but it’s within good reason. I can relate and it angers me to hear about a woman encountering what I did. Anyways now it’s time to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m so special” and believe it. If you don’t believe it the first time, keep saying it over and over until you do. I know this sounds redundant but you’re fearful and wonderfully made in God’s design to be great. You deserve to be so much more then to be mistreated or in any unhealthy relationship. If this is not convincing enough write a list of all of your wonderful qualities. You know the great things that make you who you are.

Once you’ve written this list start focusing on your vision. If you haven’t figured that out yet I’d suggest reading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. After doing all of that re-read those last couple of paragraphs. I bet then you’ll realize you are worth so much more then that relationship. Now I can go on and on about how to move on and getting what you deserve, but only one thing is for certain. You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Hurt from leaving an unhealthy relationship is far less than staying in one. Remember that! So what are you waiting for??? Get to blocking numbers, emails, and all of your social networking accounts. It's time for you to move on and be free from that bondage. Here's a link to a youtube video of a song called "Free" by Destiny's Child. It's very inspirational for moment like these. Enjoy!

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!

~Nika~

Designer Baggage

The smoke has finally cleared of from all the excitement I recieved from back to back weddings and engagements. Now that I've had the time to slow down and think I've realized I'm getting older and I might want to think about seriously settling down and causing some emotional uproar myself. I mean after all my child does deserve to be raised in a wonderful two parent home right? Well I don't see that happening anytime soon becuase I'm carrying designer baggage. That's right not just any baggage but say it with me designer baggage.

Now that you've noticed the emphasis on designer like me explain what I mean but that. We all have baggage. Some of us carry old suit cases and duffel bags from relationship to relationship filling them up with secrets, hurts, and dirty laundry until one day they meet some one they don't mind sharing that with. Then and only then do they empty their bags and store them away until they may have to use them again. Come on, don't front! You know you've had a couple of bags you've carried around before (giving you the side eye).

As for me mine is a little different; I call it designer baggage because it looks good. I'm the girl that people see and think "hey she really has it going on" but deep down inside I'm hurting. I walk around with me head high, smiling, and moving as if everything is ok while masking my inner hurts. Do I carry my designer bags from relationship to relationship? Yes I sure do but in a different way. Since the baggage looks so pretty people aren't expecting the ugly, generic, and extremely used clothing to come out of those bags. Knowing that I keep everything inside never taking anything out and meanwhile adding to the collection.

I'm sure this sounds familiar to somebody. You've collected so much baggage over the years that you've had to go rent a storage unit it just to house it. Is that you??? If so I challenge you to look in the mirror right now and say "I am cleaning out my storage" and DO IT. I would start by doing some sort of spiritual cleanse and or detox. Getting rid of your past hurts, or maybe even the current hurts that are haunting you, would allow your heart to be open to so much more. Ask me how do I know so that I can tell you I am doing it right now.

You remember the mean girl cleanse I wrote about a few months back? That was me cleaning out my storage unit and now that it's clean I'm a lot happier with myself and you could be too. God has so much to offer you if you could just let go and let him work. I can go on about all the things that I have been blessed with since I let go of a few things but I'm not because it's not about me. Today it's about you cleansing yourself so that you can be open to receive whatever blessing God has ahead of you. Think about it!

If you've read this blog and feel inspired to do a detox or spiritual cleanse please comment below or email me and I'd be happy to send you some literature.

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!
~Nika~

Two Weddings and a Funeral

The month of September is always an emotional one for me. For one it holds the anniversary of September 11th a day I will never forget and it's also the month of my Birthday. Well this September has been by far the most emotional.  Not only did I attend not one but two September 11th memorial services, I also attended two weddings and a funeral. 

Talk about a string of emotions this month things have been up and down like a a rocky roller coaster.  It all started the first week of September, I received a phone call that a friend from college was killed in a motorcycle accident.  It hurt me so bad because this person was a huge part of my life back in Grambling. I have so many memories of him that it is hard to believe he's gone and I wont get the chance to see him laugh again.  Two days later my best friend calls me and tells me she is engaged. Of course I was happy and extremely excited for her. She has been seeing this man for a while and was very honest about her desire to be married to him.  A week after finding out about my best friend's engagement I traveled to New Jersey for the funeral.

On September 11 after having an early dinner with the family who had travel to DC for the 9/11 Memorial Services at the Pentagon, I received a text that another friend from Grambling had also died.  He too was involved in a accident that not only took his life but the of his wife and kids a few months back.  He lived an entire 15 weeks after they perished. 

Later on in the evening of the 11th one of my cousins was married.  It was so emotional for the entire family because both of her parents have passed away.  I was happy that the family made it in support of her union.  I can't even imagine how I would feel walking down the isle and neither one of my parents are their to share such a joyous occasion with me.  As soon as she walked down the aisle all I saw was her tears and I began to cry too.  It wasn't because I'm super emotional and I cry at the drop of a dime, but it was because I understood her thoughts. I knew what she was thinking. Even though it was a joyous occasion it was still sad because we all knew who was missing.

The weekend following the 11th one of my first cousins was married to her high school sweet heart.  The wedding was so sweet and very pure.  Like my other cousin I cried when I saw her come down the aisle. Of course my reason for crying this time was different.  I remember when she was 15 years old and we was sitting in my Grandmothers living room having "the talk" with her.  She and her now husband had started to become inseparable and my Grandmother wanted me to talk to her about it.  All I remember is her saying how much she loved him and that she wanted to marry him.  On the inside I laughed wondering what she knew about love at 15.  I remember after what felt like hours later her agreeing to wait until she finished high school before she did so.  That is exactly what she did too...lol

That brings us to this past weekend when I received a BBM(BlackBerry Messenger) that another one of my very good friends is engaged. This message came on the same day as my other friend from Grambling's funeral, that I couldn't make but I was very much so there in spirit.  Yet again setting my emotions on another rocky dip and spin.  This roller coaster ride seems like it just wont stop!

At the end of the day I can not pin point why those things happened when they did and how they did but I can say this.  I've grown more the past few weeks then I ever had. I am appreciative for those relationships that I've had and even more appreciative for the ones to come.  I just hope that you all do too.  Meanwhile I hope you also are living your life to the fullest. It is so precious and we never know when God will call us home.

Until next time Peace and Prosperity!!!
~Nika~

Mean Girl Cronicles Vol. 1

Well hello there!!! I know it has been weeks and I should feel shamed for taking so long to blog. So much has been going on I can't wait to catch you guys up. First of let me start by explaining the title of the blog. My friend @ChantheQueenB and I thought it would be a great idea if we did a 40 day mean girl cleanse. The purpose of this cleanse is for us to remove all the mean and negative thoughts out of or minds and make room for the abundant blessings that God has in store for us. It is also a way to channel that negative energy away from us.

Today I am on week 2 day 1 and I feel really great. I have attracted so many positive things in this week alone I don't know what to do with myself. Although there have been a few negative encounters like my spilling a cherry Dr. Pepper into my favorite laptop I'm still ok. It was the computer that Melo gave me last summer so maybe I was suppose to get rid of it. The darn thing crashed on me a few months after I got it anyways. Moving forward that's one little glitch that won't keep me from sticking to the task set upon me.

What I'd like to share with you today is the steps I have taken towards getting rid of my inner mean girl.

1. When it comes to others I started to think about ways I could help and serve others instead of ways I could I could benefit from helping others. I self centered in a lot of ways and I'm started to see how that is a bad thing and I've got to change. For years my Mother kept saying I was selfish but I thought she was crazy.

2. I stopped talking about people. Nothing shows you are more insecure then talking about people. It dawned on me how bad I was once when my sister brought it to my attention. I started thinking man she's right...I do! After thinking about I realized how ugly and insecure that made me look. I am very happy and secure in who I am, but discussing others short comings was funny to me. I used their disadvantage for my own pleasure. That was so uncool...I was a mean girl.

When it came to talking about people not one single person was safe. I talked about my own Mama if she did, said, or wore something I could make a joke out of. I know that's bad. I decided to go old school with it. You know the saying that if you can't think of anything nice to say then just don't say it at all. I've been pleasantly surprised at how different my conversations have been with people now that I've done this.

3. Lastly I've started to think and say more things that are positive. We all have heard the saying that there is power in the tongue. Knowing that I've started to speak into existence my wants, needs, and desires. I remember a while back I was on the phone with my best friend Shondria and I told her that I was going to get fired from my job. Do you know the very next day I got fired from that job??? You see I believe at that very moment I spoke that into existence. So instead of allowing myself to continue to think and speak anymore negativity in my life.

So now instead of I can't I say I'll try. Instead of I hope I say I pray. Instead of never I say not right now. I'm sure by now you get the picture. I've made it a point to start paying more attention to those around me. I greet people who I normally wouldn't and I've even started offer my help to others even when they don't seem to need it.

I've also started being more observant. In the past I've never really asked people probing question about themselves. I've always stayed in my own person "Nika box" and didn't pay much attention to anyone else. Not that I didn't care about them but I always felt that I was already overwhelmed with what I had going on. See that one little lonely letter I keep using. Yes "I" have a problem.

Over the next couple of weeks I plan to continue to strive and remove that inner mean girl from my spirit all together. I believe with out her I will become an even better me. For those of you who are interested in taking the journey with me, let me know. I'd be happy to share my experiences and other ideas of staying positive with you. Are you constantly losing a battle with your inner mean girl??? If so please feel free to share your thoughts!

Until Next Time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!!!
~Nika~

Do Women really have Problems???

Last night on HowWasYourWeekend we had special guest Kel Spencer discussing the problem with women. At first I was afraid of what the men may say about us. I thought that they would sway some outlandishing things cuasing me to have to break on a few of them. I was all ready to hurt some poor man's feeling if he said anything I felt was unreal or extreme. To my surprise the things I heard was un true. If you haven't listen ladies click here now----->Listen<-----and tell me what you think. *DISCLAIMER* Warning Ricky gets a tad bit out of control but he means well. *END DISCLAIMER*

I made some notes jotting down a few of the things the men talked about and I wanted to touch on two things in particular. these two are what stuck out the most. The first one is "Women have too many high expectations when it comes to men" which all of the men on the line agreed on. In my mind that's not a bad thing but can it be that we really over shoot when it comes to our expectations of men and relationships. All my life my examples of men came from those who are around me. I can't say that I've ever modeled the man of my dreams after somebody that I don't know or had no chance in hell of meeting. So I'm wondering who are these women with such high expectations and are they themselves in the position to receive a man with these so called high expectations? Ladies help me out!

The second point they agreed on is that we women do not listen. This I also found odd because us women are so relational. We brag on the things our men do and so say that confuses me some. I'll agree in today's world a lot of us are head strong and will take the lead, I'll give you that. However I will shut my mouth and submit to the right man end of discussion. he can tell me to get to the moon and back if the level of respect is there and I deem him the head of my household. It's only right that I let him lead.

So I guess my question is what are we listening for??? I ask that because most men I know are afraid to shoot it to us strait anyways. Come on let's be real how many men do you know in relationships with women unhappy but wont leave because they are afraid of her reaction? I bet she'd like to know that fellas. I'm sure she'd be open to listen to you tell her why you're not happy and even more eager to help fix it.

Somewhere the lines communication went down and we need to get them back up. I hope you all plan on listening Wednesday night because I am positive us ladies are going to say some of these same things about men. Please be sure to tune in Wednesday at 9PM EST or listen to the podcast anytime at www.blogtalkradio.com/HowWazYourWeekend. We'll be dicussing "The Problem With men Is' with the lovely ladies of the blog site Boissuq. If you haven't already be sure to go online to www.HowWazYourWeekend.com to create your online profile on us.

Until Next Time I Bid you Peace and Prosperity!

Twisted Elegance The Remix

Got me daydreaming thinking about rings and switching up my whole life style. ~Algebra Blessett~

That line is taken from the song "Do it for Me" by Algebra Blessett. Man I love that song! Each and every time I hear it I get all warm and fuzzy inside, because I understand how she must felt when she wrote it. My first time hearing this song I fell in love with love and it's possibilities all over again. Ok let's keep it moving.

A little while back I wrote a blog "Twisted Elegance" that spoke about people lying when the truth would do just fine. When I wrote that blog I did mention the there was a reverse to Twisted Elegance which is when things are better then they appear. I not to long ago had the chance to experience that and I wanted to share it with you. So set back, relax, I think you're going to enjoy this.

So a few months back I got the chance to hang out with someone that I've been in contact with for years but I hadn't gotten the chance to see often. The funny thing about this guy is a few years back he was my myspace crush. When we would talk I would always brush him off thinking man he's just a player or super friendly with the ladies. I could never take him seriously. Anyways so we're hanging out and it's crazy because besides just being a social networking crush I never thought he and I would even cross paths in that way. Here we are sitting on the sofa in the basement of my house watching "The Hills" and swapping life stories. You have to understand after years of social networking convos, emails, text messages, and BBMs this person is now sitting in my face...WHOA!

Temperatures quickly arose and it wasn't hard to tell that we indeed had an attraction towards each other. I was even a little fidgety and giddy like a little school girl. I tell ya, boyfriend had me going! It was crazy because what I thought would be just us chopping it up for a minute, turned into hours on great convo. It was very refreshing for me because it had been a while since I felt a man in that way. You can't blame thou. After all of the drama I've experienced with Melo I clearly shut down in order to heal at this point.

After that night we began to talk more and started forming this relationship that is indescribable. He is my friend whom I love and enjoy talking to. No matter if it's via phone, skype, or BBM I LOVE IT! He knows how to make me smile. This is so awkward because I totally DID NOT see this coming at all. Mind you it's been years of conversations with this man and we've had a few sparks; never did I think he'd be someone that I would consider pursuing more then just a crush with.

For one this person has blown my mind not because we vibed, but because of who he is. I don't want to give away who I'm speaking of just yet so I'll keep it bland. This man is strong, hard working, dedicated, caring, articulate, creative, loyal, giving, intelligent, God fearing and just simply beautiful. I truly think he is PHENOMINAL inside and out and I am going to take my time and enjoy getting to know him. I admire all of the things that he is and can't wait to see all of the things he will become. Typically he's not the type of guy I'd usually come in contact with, however he's the type of guy I dream about. Moral of the story is you just never know.


Until next time Peace and Prosperity!

I've added Algebra's video just for you! Go ahead and click play.

• Do It for Me by Algebra Blessett

More Algebra Blessett music on iLike