Designer Baggage

The smoke has finally cleared of from all the excitement I recieved from back to back weddings and engagements. Now that I've had the time to slow down and think I've realized I'm getting older and I might want to think about seriously settling down and causing some emotional uproar myself. I mean after all my child does deserve to be raised in a wonderful two parent home right? Well I don't see that happening anytime soon becuase I'm carrying designer baggage. That's right not just any baggage but say it with me designer baggage.

Now that you've noticed the emphasis on designer like me explain what I mean but that. We all have baggage. Some of us carry old suit cases and duffel bags from relationship to relationship filling them up with secrets, hurts, and dirty laundry until one day they meet some one they don't mind sharing that with. Then and only then do they empty their bags and store them away until they may have to use them again. Come on, don't front! You know you've had a couple of bags you've carried around before (giving you the side eye).

As for me mine is a little different; I call it designer baggage because it looks good. I'm the girl that people see and think "hey she really has it going on" but deep down inside I'm hurting. I walk around with me head high, smiling, and moving as if everything is ok while masking my inner hurts. Do I carry my designer bags from relationship to relationship? Yes I sure do but in a different way. Since the baggage looks so pretty people aren't expecting the ugly, generic, and extremely used clothing to come out of those bags. Knowing that I keep everything inside never taking anything out and meanwhile adding to the collection.

I'm sure this sounds familiar to somebody. You've collected so much baggage over the years that you've had to go rent a storage unit it just to house it. Is that you??? If so I challenge you to look in the mirror right now and say "I am cleaning out my storage" and DO IT. I would start by doing some sort of spiritual cleanse and or detox. Getting rid of your past hurts, or maybe even the current hurts that are haunting you, would allow your heart to be open to so much more. Ask me how do I know so that I can tell you I am doing it right now.

You remember the mean girl cleanse I wrote about a few months back? That was me cleaning out my storage unit and now that it's clean I'm a lot happier with myself and you could be too. God has so much to offer you if you could just let go and let him work. I can go on about all the things that I have been blessed with since I let go of a few things but I'm not because it's not about me. Today it's about you cleansing yourself so that you can be open to receive whatever blessing God has ahead of you. Think about it!

If you've read this blog and feel inspired to do a detox or spiritual cleanse please comment below or email me and I'd be happy to send you some literature.

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!
~Nika~

Two Weddings and a Funeral

The month of September is always an emotional one for me. For one it holds the anniversary of September 11th a day I will never forget and it's also the month of my Birthday. Well this September has been by far the most emotional.  Not only did I attend not one but two September 11th memorial services, I also attended two weddings and a funeral. 

Talk about a string of emotions this month things have been up and down like a a rocky roller coaster.  It all started the first week of September, I received a phone call that a friend from college was killed in a motorcycle accident.  It hurt me so bad because this person was a huge part of my life back in Grambling. I have so many memories of him that it is hard to believe he's gone and I wont get the chance to see him laugh again.  Two days later my best friend calls me and tells me she is engaged. Of course I was happy and extremely excited for her. She has been seeing this man for a while and was very honest about her desire to be married to him.  A week after finding out about my best friend's engagement I traveled to New Jersey for the funeral.

On September 11 after having an early dinner with the family who had travel to DC for the 9/11 Memorial Services at the Pentagon, I received a text that another friend from Grambling had also died.  He too was involved in a accident that not only took his life but the of his wife and kids a few months back.  He lived an entire 15 weeks after they perished. 

Later on in the evening of the 11th one of my cousins was married.  It was so emotional for the entire family because both of her parents have passed away.  I was happy that the family made it in support of her union.  I can't even imagine how I would feel walking down the isle and neither one of my parents are their to share such a joyous occasion with me.  As soon as she walked down the aisle all I saw was her tears and I began to cry too.  It wasn't because I'm super emotional and I cry at the drop of a dime, but it was because I understood her thoughts. I knew what she was thinking. Even though it was a joyous occasion it was still sad because we all knew who was missing.

The weekend following the 11th one of my first cousins was married to her high school sweet heart.  The wedding was so sweet and very pure.  Like my other cousin I cried when I saw her come down the aisle. Of course my reason for crying this time was different.  I remember when she was 15 years old and we was sitting in my Grandmothers living room having "the talk" with her.  She and her now husband had started to become inseparable and my Grandmother wanted me to talk to her about it.  All I remember is her saying how much she loved him and that she wanted to marry him.  On the inside I laughed wondering what she knew about love at 15.  I remember after what felt like hours later her agreeing to wait until she finished high school before she did so.  That is exactly what she did too...lol

That brings us to this past weekend when I received a BBM(BlackBerry Messenger) that another one of my very good friends is engaged. This message came on the same day as my other friend from Grambling's funeral, that I couldn't make but I was very much so there in spirit.  Yet again setting my emotions on another rocky dip and spin.  This roller coaster ride seems like it just wont stop!

At the end of the day I can not pin point why those things happened when they did and how they did but I can say this.  I've grown more the past few weeks then I ever had. I am appreciative for those relationships that I've had and even more appreciative for the ones to come.  I just hope that you all do too.  Meanwhile I hope you also are living your life to the fullest. It is so precious and we never know when God will call us home.

Until next time Peace and Prosperity!!!
~Nika~

Mean Girl Cronicles Vol. 1

Well hello there!!! I know it has been weeks and I should feel shamed for taking so long to blog. So much has been going on I can't wait to catch you guys up. First of let me start by explaining the title of the blog. My friend @ChantheQueenB and I thought it would be a great idea if we did a 40 day mean girl cleanse. The purpose of this cleanse is for us to remove all the mean and negative thoughts out of or minds and make room for the abundant blessings that God has in store for us. It is also a way to channel that negative energy away from us.

Today I am on week 2 day 1 and I feel really great. I have attracted so many positive things in this week alone I don't know what to do with myself. Although there have been a few negative encounters like my spilling a cherry Dr. Pepper into my favorite laptop I'm still ok. It was the computer that Melo gave me last summer so maybe I was suppose to get rid of it. The darn thing crashed on me a few months after I got it anyways. Moving forward that's one little glitch that won't keep me from sticking to the task set upon me.

What I'd like to share with you today is the steps I have taken towards getting rid of my inner mean girl.

1. When it comes to others I started to think about ways I could help and serve others instead of ways I could I could benefit from helping others. I self centered in a lot of ways and I'm started to see how that is a bad thing and I've got to change. For years my Mother kept saying I was selfish but I thought she was crazy.

2. I stopped talking about people. Nothing shows you are more insecure then talking about people. It dawned on me how bad I was once when my sister brought it to my attention. I started thinking man she's right...I do! After thinking about I realized how ugly and insecure that made me look. I am very happy and secure in who I am, but discussing others short comings was funny to me. I used their disadvantage for my own pleasure. That was so uncool...I was a mean girl.

When it came to talking about people not one single person was safe. I talked about my own Mama if she did, said, or wore something I could make a joke out of. I know that's bad. I decided to go old school with it. You know the saying that if you can't think of anything nice to say then just don't say it at all. I've been pleasantly surprised at how different my conversations have been with people now that I've done this.

3. Lastly I've started to think and say more things that are positive. We all have heard the saying that there is power in the tongue. Knowing that I've started to speak into existence my wants, needs, and desires. I remember a while back I was on the phone with my best friend Shondria and I told her that I was going to get fired from my job. Do you know the very next day I got fired from that job??? You see I believe at that very moment I spoke that into existence. So instead of allowing myself to continue to think and speak anymore negativity in my life.

So now instead of I can't I say I'll try. Instead of I hope I say I pray. Instead of never I say not right now. I'm sure by now you get the picture. I've made it a point to start paying more attention to those around me. I greet people who I normally wouldn't and I've even started offer my help to others even when they don't seem to need it.

I've also started being more observant. In the past I've never really asked people probing question about themselves. I've always stayed in my own person "Nika box" and didn't pay much attention to anyone else. Not that I didn't care about them but I always felt that I was already overwhelmed with what I had going on. See that one little lonely letter I keep using. Yes "I" have a problem.

Over the next couple of weeks I plan to continue to strive and remove that inner mean girl from my spirit all together. I believe with out her I will become an even better me. For those of you who are interested in taking the journey with me, let me know. I'd be happy to share my experiences and other ideas of staying positive with you. Are you constantly losing a battle with your inner mean girl??? If so please feel free to share your thoughts!

Until Next Time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!!!
~Nika~

Do Women really have Problems???

Last night on HowWasYourWeekend we had special guest Kel Spencer discussing the problem with women. At first I was afraid of what the men may say about us. I thought that they would sway some outlandishing things cuasing me to have to break on a few of them. I was all ready to hurt some poor man's feeling if he said anything I felt was unreal or extreme. To my surprise the things I heard was un true. If you haven't listen ladies click here now----->Listen<-----and tell me what you think. *DISCLAIMER* Warning Ricky gets a tad bit out of control but he means well. *END DISCLAIMER*

I made some notes jotting down a few of the things the men talked about and I wanted to touch on two things in particular. these two are what stuck out the most. The first one is "Women have too many high expectations when it comes to men" which all of the men on the line agreed on. In my mind that's not a bad thing but can it be that we really over shoot when it comes to our expectations of men and relationships. All my life my examples of men came from those who are around me. I can't say that I've ever modeled the man of my dreams after somebody that I don't know or had no chance in hell of meeting. So I'm wondering who are these women with such high expectations and are they themselves in the position to receive a man with these so called high expectations? Ladies help me out!

The second point they agreed on is that we women do not listen. This I also found odd because us women are so relational. We brag on the things our men do and so say that confuses me some. I'll agree in today's world a lot of us are head strong and will take the lead, I'll give you that. However I will shut my mouth and submit to the right man end of discussion. he can tell me to get to the moon and back if the level of respect is there and I deem him the head of my household. It's only right that I let him lead.

So I guess my question is what are we listening for??? I ask that because most men I know are afraid to shoot it to us strait anyways. Come on let's be real how many men do you know in relationships with women unhappy but wont leave because they are afraid of her reaction? I bet she'd like to know that fellas. I'm sure she'd be open to listen to you tell her why you're not happy and even more eager to help fix it.

Somewhere the lines communication went down and we need to get them back up. I hope you all plan on listening Wednesday night because I am positive us ladies are going to say some of these same things about men. Please be sure to tune in Wednesday at 9PM EST or listen to the podcast anytime at www.blogtalkradio.com/HowWazYourWeekend. We'll be dicussing "The Problem With men Is' with the lovely ladies of the blog site Boissuq. If you haven't already be sure to go online to www.HowWazYourWeekend.com to create your online profile on us.

Until Next Time I Bid you Peace and Prosperity!

Twisted Elegance The Remix

Got me daydreaming thinking about rings and switching up my whole life style. ~Algebra Blessett~

That line is taken from the song "Do it for Me" by Algebra Blessett. Man I love that song! Each and every time I hear it I get all warm and fuzzy inside, because I understand how she must felt when she wrote it. My first time hearing this song I fell in love with love and it's possibilities all over again. Ok let's keep it moving.

A little while back I wrote a blog "Twisted Elegance" that spoke about people lying when the truth would do just fine. When I wrote that blog I did mention the there was a reverse to Twisted Elegance which is when things are better then they appear. I not to long ago had the chance to experience that and I wanted to share it with you. So set back, relax, I think you're going to enjoy this.

So a few months back I got the chance to hang out with someone that I've been in contact with for years but I hadn't gotten the chance to see often. The funny thing about this guy is a few years back he was my myspace crush. When we would talk I would always brush him off thinking man he's just a player or super friendly with the ladies. I could never take him seriously. Anyways so we're hanging out and it's crazy because besides just being a social networking crush I never thought he and I would even cross paths in that way. Here we are sitting on the sofa in the basement of my house watching "The Hills" and swapping life stories. You have to understand after years of social networking convos, emails, text messages, and BBMs this person is now sitting in my face...WHOA!

Temperatures quickly arose and it wasn't hard to tell that we indeed had an attraction towards each other. I was even a little fidgety and giddy like a little school girl. I tell ya, boyfriend had me going! It was crazy because what I thought would be just us chopping it up for a minute, turned into hours on great convo. It was very refreshing for me because it had been a while since I felt a man in that way. You can't blame thou. After all of the drama I've experienced with Melo I clearly shut down in order to heal at this point.

After that night we began to talk more and started forming this relationship that is indescribable. He is my friend whom I love and enjoy talking to. No matter if it's via phone, skype, or BBM I LOVE IT! He knows how to make me smile. This is so awkward because I totally DID NOT see this coming at all. Mind you it's been years of conversations with this man and we've had a few sparks; never did I think he'd be someone that I would consider pursuing more then just a crush with.

For one this person has blown my mind not because we vibed, but because of who he is. I don't want to give away who I'm speaking of just yet so I'll keep it bland. This man is strong, hard working, dedicated, caring, articulate, creative, loyal, giving, intelligent, God fearing and just simply beautiful. I truly think he is PHENOMINAL inside and out and I am going to take my time and enjoy getting to know him. I admire all of the things that he is and can't wait to see all of the things he will become. Typically he's not the type of guy I'd usually come in contact with, however he's the type of guy I dream about. Moral of the story is you just never know.


Until next time Peace and Prosperity!

I've added Algebra's video just for you! Go ahead and click play.

• Do It for Me by Algebra Blessett

More Algebra Blessett music on iLike

So you wanna be a baller?

Tonight on How Waz Your Weekend we spoke with the original baller Earl Lloyd who was the very first African American NBA player along with Bobbye Hill an overseas baller who does a lot for youth in the city of Dallas, TX. If you missed the show you missed a real treat. Lucky for you, you can listen to the podcast now by clicking here----> www.blogtalkradio.com/HowWazYourWeekend <---- I really enjoyed tonight's guest because it was refreshing to hear their insights. For example Mr. Lloyd talked about the reason ballers have been linked to dating white women. You see back in the day when he was in the league seeing a black face at a game was unheard of. In fact a direct quote was that "the only time we saw an African American women at a game is if we brought one." He went on to say that it was only himself and another black player in the entire league so that really wasn't often at all. Mr. Lloyd also said that men in his position married white women because to them it looked as if they married up. You guys see where I am going right? This whole black men dating white women digs way deeper then I thought. Here I am thinking it's something society had drummed up when actually it was the lifestyle of successful black men. My question is how in the world do we change something that has been going on for 60 years? What can we as women do to knock down a curse that was placed upon us generations ago? Do we start dating other races as well? How do we break this curse??? Another great topic Mr. Lloyd touched on is money. He said, "I played each game as if it was my last one." Now isn't that some serious dedication? That sentence alone proves that he was grateful for what he had. It's sad to say that a lot of us today are not. How many of us work at our jobs, with our spouses, with our children, and our serve in our church, or in our lives??? We can learn a lot from Mr. Lloyd so I encourage you all to check out his book "Moonfixer" I'll be reading it right along with you.

If you hadn't heard the show I really don't want to give it all away however you really should hear what Mr. Lloyd had to see about groupies. I would tell you but it's better to listen for yourself. Be sure to join us again next week on How Waz Your Weekend with our special guest Kel Spencer, the Warrior Poet. We'll be talking about "The Problem with Women is." Now ladies please refrain for calling in this show is strictly for the fellas. You'll get you chance the following week August 18th when the topic well be "The Problem with Men is." I sure can't wait to delve into that.

Until next time I bid you Peace and Prosperity!

~Nika~

I thought it was but it wasn't LOVE

So I stumbled upon a blog that was written by a women who is currently married with two children to a man that cheats on her. The dead giveaway for me was for one her blog was about morals and cheating. Secondly she repeatedly attacked "the other woman." She went on about how these woman have low self esteem and that they should strive to be more the just #2 or 3 etc. Immediate I grew fumes because it was obvious this woman was in denial. Not once did I read where she held her HUSBAND the man who cheated on her accountable.

Being that I was "the other woman" at one point in time I took this to heart. Why??? Well first off low self esteem has never been an issue for me. I've always been proud of who God made me and I am very confident in who I am. I also desire to have a husband of my own and had no intentions on being in a relationship with someone else's husband. Heck no!!! I don't want that for me and I know God surely has something way better for me than that. I was lied to and I had become the other women unwillingly.

So for those of you who has wondered what that's like let me it explain it to you...IT'S CRAZY! Can you imagine meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife? Well that's what it feels like. It's a horrible feeling that I would not wish on my worse enemy. Now let me rewind this just a little bit. I wanna take you all back to before I knew he was married. When it was all good.

If you read my previous blog "Deceptacon Blues" then you know pretty much how we met. I was hanging out at the Velvet Room in Atlanta, yes I am telling a little more, when this guy that I found very attractive approached me. Just like I said it was like a fairytale over night. I can't lie it started off a little slow the first week or two after we met but once it was on, it was on.

You know the things you do when you're in love; the talking on the phone until the sun came up. Spending countless hours of the day thinking about them. The excitement you feel when you're around them, we had all of that. I grew to love him in such a short period of time because he was so attentive. He listened to my every word and remember things that I'd told him even when I didn't. He was very good to me and my child. We wanted for nothing.

When he and I was together all I saw was fireworks. I had never been happier in a relationship. We did everything together and I mean everything. He was my best friend and I knew I was his. There wasn't a thing going in in his life I didn't know about, so I thought. I had even been around this man's children a few times. We was in love, so I thought.

The hardest thing in the world for me was letting go of what I thought I'd have forever. I was sold a dream, a fairytale, and I wanted it. So for this women to say that I was comfortable at being #2 is absorbed. I didn't know I was #2 he continuously told me I was #1 and I believe that. Oh and it wasn't just because of his words it was because of his actions. The insane part was finding out that this wasn't something new. He had done this before. This man is a beautiful liar, with an even more beautiful mind.

At the end of the day I was able to walk away without any drama. I didn't say I do. I didn't have any kids with him. We hadn't purchased a home together or anything. I was free. I wish I could say the same for his wife. So while this married women was condemning me, because again I took it personal, she might wanna check up on her level of self esteem. I say that because staying in a relationship with somebody knowing that they cheated on you is a serious problem to me. It's a problem that she alone can not fix. It's one that only God can handle.

I just hope that she and any other women who is in this position wake up and accept some responsibility for what is happening to them. They are married to cheaters and the other woman is the least of their problem. The writer also suggested communication as being the main source of healing and I'm sorry she is mistaken. Only God and serious dedication from both parties can fix that mess. That or her going straight ham on that man...lol Just jokes! Seriously what do you guys think about this? Can a marriage be repaired after years of infidelity???

Until next time, Peace and Prosperity...

Nika The PR Diva